I can't decide

 Song of the day;;

→ City State - Requiem

I felt the rush of love in my bones

But when your demons lashed out, it wasn't enough

After all, I couldn't hold you up and I woke up alone

I should've seen this coming

You were a shadow of the one that I loved

But I couldn't let go

I covered my eyes with the thought you would be fine

And when the sickness spread

It was free to take what was left

Take what was left that night

All of this to feel alive for one last time

I should've known, I should've seen it all along

Shadows creep under my eyelids

I don't think the night's ever been quite this cold

What will it take to escape my thoughts?

I thought I knew you, I thought I could see through you

I don't think the night's ever been quite this long

I'm shutting down, consumed by the signs that I should've seen

I always hoped when you fell away

You'd take me too

'Cause I'm lost now, stuck in place

I can't let go of you, let go of you

Time goes by, bleeds into the next life

All of this just to feel alive

For one last time, another meaningless high

All of this just to feel alive

I'm a stranger in my own home

Desperately searching for what went wrong

I'm already too far gone to find solace in your loss

 

I always hoped when you fell away

You'd take me too

'Cause I'm lost now, stuck in place

I can't let go of you, let go of you

Time goes by, bleeds into the next life

All of this just to feel alive

For one last time, another meaningless high

All of this just to feel alive

--

Nää lääkärikäynnit on kyllä aika tosi mielenkiintosia. Mut mä olen aika helpottunut. Kerrankin mut otettiin tosissaan. Lääkäri kirjotti mulle sairaslomaa heinäkuun loppuun asti, sain uudet lääkkeet ja luultavasti jossain vaiheessa pääsen päiväsairaalaan tän syömishäiriön tiimoilta. Lisäksi mulla alkaa jossain vaiheessa se psykofyysinen fysioterapia. Pitää huomenna muistaa laittaa Kelalle hakemus sairauspäivärahasta ja katkasta opintotuki. Lääkäri oli sitä mieltä, että mä olen liian pitkään laiminlyönyt omaa hyvinvointiani ja vaan pakottanu itteni eteenpäin ja nyt on korkia aika keskittyä omaan hyvinvointiin. Mä olen samaa mieltä ja tiesin kyllä, että kaikkien ongelmien hoitamatta jättäminen johtais vielä tähän.