Pump it

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Alive or Only Burning

My soul is in shreds

Tonight is a tomb

Poets are liars but I know the truth

Roses are dead

Violets are doomed

Lovers don't know how to love but they know how to wound

I'm a walking apocalypse

A fuckin' nemesis

Gonna show you how red the flag can get

I got balls the size of Jupiter

If I fall, call me Lucifer

I made a home in the flames

I got fire in my veins

I gotta choose from killing or learning to hide

Dunno if I'm living or burning alive

And I just lie here like this

Left to die

So many times

That deep inside I think I might dеserve it

I walked through firе

Somehow survived

Now I don't know if I'm alive or only burning

Alive or only burning

Bury me here

Under your bed

That's where your treasures and demons are kept

Keep me a secret

Never forget

The best kinda love only ends in cold-blooded revenge

All that I need is a gut feeling

You think I don't hear when you're gossiping

Ass-licking while I'm ass-kicking

Nobody knows what I'm thinking

Everyone's after me

I'm running out of self esteem

Gimme gasoline

Can't you see that I've been

Left to die

So many times

That deep inside I think I might deserve it

I walked through fire

Somehow survived

Now I don't know if I'm alive or only burning

Alive or only burning

Alive or only burning

And I just lie here like this

My soul is in shreds

Tonight is a tomb

Poets are liars but I know the truth

Roses are dead

Violets are doomed

Lovers don't know how to love but they know how to wound

Lovers don't know how to love but they know how to wound

'Cause I've been

Left to die

So many times

That deep inside I think I might deserve it

I walked through fire

Somehow survived

Now I don't know if I'm alive or only burning

Alive or only burning

Alive or only burning

--

Fakta numero 44: mun lempiaineet koulussa oli englanti ja äidinkieli (ja kielet ylipäätään); yläasteella tykkäsin myös köksästä ja lukiossa psykologiasta sekä filosofiasta.

Feed the fire

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Don't Fix Me

(Let me bleed out

Leave me open

Maybe)

I'm a shipwreck

Lying in the bottom of the ocean

I can't handle my emotions

I'ma chase those fuckers anyway

Lipstick

All she left and now I'm antisocial

I'ma gamble my devotion

For these cheap thrills any day

I don't want your medication, no

I don't need your education

Jetset life is only gonna drive me crazy

I won't change it

On my deathbed you're only gonna hear me say

Don't fix me

Let me bleed out

Leave me open (open, open)

No, don't fix me

Maybe I was born to be broken

I'm dead inside (I'm dead inside)

And it's alright (And it's alright)

So don't fix me (Don't fix me)

Don't fix me

People wanna healthy diet

In a peaceful climate and a house to hide in

Last night I lost my driver's license

To a girl who said she was Miley Cyrus

Oh damn, I'm on autopilot

I'm a broken hearted starving artist

Going through a crisis, empty pockets

Ain't nobody gonna tell me about what life is

I don't need your diagnosis, no

You can keep your love and roses

Violent popper on his way to see a doctor

I got lost, woke up in Compton

I thought fuck it, it's just rock'n'roll

Don't fix me

Let me bleed out

Leave me open (open, open)

No, don't fix me

Maybe I was born to be broken

I'm dead inside (I'm dead inside)

And it's alright (And it's alright)

So don't fix me (Don't fix me)

Don't fix me

(I'm dead inside

And it's alright

I'm dead inside)

Don't fix me

Let me bleed out

Leave me open

No, don't fix me

Maybe I was born to be broken

I'm dead inside

And it's alright (it's alright)

So don't fix me (Don't fix me)

Don't fix me

--

Tänään oli tän vuoden viiminen terapiakerta. Jotenkin hassua ajatella, että olen terapiassa jo vuoden ollut. Ehkä eniten on yllättänyt se, miten nopeasti mä olen muodostanut hyvän ja luottamuksellisen suhteen mun terapeuttiin, ja miten nopeasti mä olen avautunut ja rentoutunut hänen seurassaan, kun yleensä mulla menee aika kauan, ennen kuin pääsen tähän pisteeseen. No, hyvä vaan, näin tulevaisuutta ajatellen. Hei, viikko jouluaattoon!

On a high ledge

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Bad Idea

I cannot stay this close to you

I know that now

I got carried away just like I always do

I’d like to keep you next to me

But I can’t sleep

I’m nothing but a slave of my misery

Once I got love

Now I’ve got a trauma

I got so used to all of that drama

Life is a bitch but you know so is karma

Bottle of wine and marihuana

Doing what I do best

Getting fucked up

Hotel room, broken hearts in a hot tub

But you know

There’s darkness and it follows me

Don’t hold on so tight

Don’t hold on so tight

I’m never gonna let you in

Don’t hold on so tight

Don’t hold on so tight

Baby, I’m a bad idea

I can not play this game with you

I wish I could

But I’m running away just like I always do

I hate to say it but it’s true

I feel so cruel

But maybe I’m just not that into you

Done so many things I’m not proud of

Time runs out and you’re getting wound up

There’s no doubt I’m wearing your heart out

Book the plane

Let’s go to Bahamas

You want to get away from your mama’s

You can call it love if you wanna

But you know

There’s darkness and it follows me

Don’t hold on so tight

Don’t hold on so tight

I’m never gonna let you in

Don’t hold on so tight

Don’t hold on so tight

Baby, I’m a bad idea

I’m never gonna let you in

Never gonna let you in

Baby, I’m a bad idea

I’m never gonna let you in

Never gonna let you in

Baby, I’m a bad idea

(You should know that)

There’s darkness and it follows me

Don’t hold on so tight

Don’t hold on so tight

I’m never gonna let you in

Don’t hold on so tight

Don’t hold on so tight

Baby, I’m a bad idea

I’m never gonna let you in

Never gonna let you in

Baby, I’m a bad idea

I’m never gonna let you in

Never gonna let you in

Baby, I’m a bad idea

I’m never gonna let you in

Never gonna let you in

Baby, I’m a bad idea

I’m never gonna let you in

Never gonna let you in

(You should know that)

--

Oli pakko siirtää tän päivän verikoe torstaille, kun en päässyt sängystä ylös ennen kun vasta kello viiden aikaan. Joskus (eli aina) masennus on kaikista paskinta paskaa, mitä mä tiedän. Huomenna ois tarkotus mennä juhlistamaan kaverin synttäreitä, saa nähä kuinka pitkään mä pystyn olemaan siellä, kun mun olo on ollut aika ahdistunut ja mieliala tosi matalalla muutaman päivän ajan tässä... Tekis toisaalta mieli varottaa etukäteen, mut sit toisaalta heti tulee semmonen olo, että se joko kuulostaa pelkältä tekosyyltä tai joltain sympatiankalastelulta. Ehkä mä vaan yritän parhaani ja pusken eteenpäin tietäen, että saan keskiviikon olla ihan rauhassa eikä sillon tarvi mennä mihinkään eikä tehdä mitään. Torstaina sitten uudella yrityksellä ensin aamusta keskusteluajalle ja iltapäivällä verikokeeseen. Sain muuten yllättävän nopiasti myönteisen päätöksen psykoterapiasta, se tuli tänään. Pitää laittaa huomenna psykoterapeutille viestiä siitä, niin saadaan sitten sovittua alotusaika.

Bloke

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Balboa

I'ma keep coming back

Keep coming back like

Blood in my eyes

Veins full of ice

Strike to survive

Prepared to die

Whatever the price

I'll pay it twice

Yeah

I've been building my basis

Wanna see the look on your faces

From stadium stages

Here's to you who said I'll never make it

Time to tie my shoelaces

Running up the staircases

Whatever comes I'll face it

And claim it

Every time you burn me to the ground

Every time you kick me whеn I'm down

I'm coming back for more

Like I'm Balboa

Every timе you see me bleeding out

It's a one step closer to my crown

I'm coming back for more

Like I'm Balboa

I'ma keep coming back

Keep coming back like Balboa

Knockout, I'm sending suckers home like Drago

I've got no bow, no arrow, but Apollo follows

Gimme a clubber for supper

Making these fake clowns go breathless

I grow when I suffer like having breakdowns for breakfast

Blood in my eyes

Veins full of ice

Strike to survive

Prepared to die

Whatever the price

I'll pay it twice

Every time you burn me to the ground

Every time you kick me when I'm down

I'm coming back for more

Like I'm Balboa

Every time you see me bleeding out

It's a one step closer to my crown

I'm coming back for more

Like I'm Balboa

I'ma keep coming back

Keep coming back like Balboa

I'ma keep coming back

Keep coming back like Balboa

Like I'm Balboa

I'ma keep coming back

Keep coming back like

Blood in my eyes

Veins full of ice

Strike to survive

Prepared to die

Whatever the price

I'll pay it twice

'Cause every time you think I'm defeated

I'm saying please be seated

Always up for a challenge

The struggle made me a savage, I'm damaged

Underdogs are a dangerous species

Taking hits until everyone sees me

'Cause every time you burn me to the ground

Every time you kick me when I'm down

I'm coming back for more

Like I'm Balboa

Every time you see me bleeding out

It's a one step closer to my crown

I'm coming back for more

Like I'm Balboa

I'ma keep coming back

Keep coming back like Balboa

Impossible

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Hold on to Hopeless

Hold on to hopeless

Hold on to hopeless

Let's go

Hold on to hopeless

I'm lying in the bed of a cheap hotel

Been on the road, I've got a million stories to tell

But in my mind there's only one story that matters

I wonder where are you now

Over thinking is one of my bad habits

I’m simply sinking, yeah this time I’ve had it

But I just put on a brave face

Pretend that nothing happened

And see how much more I can take

Hearts don’t beat

Not in this deep

Tonight I’ll bleed so would you be

Would you be there for me

Like I was there for you?

If this world is heartless

We don't make any sense

'Cause we found something

That changes everything

So you just keep on running

While I'm waiting for you

In the end

Hold on to hopeless

All you had to do was a simple decision

But it ended up in a collision

Now we're right back where we started

This is not what either of us wanted

So days and night I’m on the road

And I can’t stop checking my phone

I wish you called and then I don’t

Oh no, just leave me alone

You can have my soul to take

'Cause there's nothing left to break

Would you be there for me

Like I was there for you?

If this world is heartless

We don't make any sense

'Cause we found something

That changes everything

So you just keep on running

While I'm waiting for you

In the end

Hold on to hopeless

If this world is heartless

We don't make any sense

Hold on to hopeless

If this world is heartless

We don't make any sense

You can have my soul to take

'Cause there's nothing left to break

If this world is heartless

We don't make any sense

You can have my soul to take

'Cause there's nothing left to break

If this world is heartless

We don't make any sense

So would you be there for me

Like I was there for you?

If this world is heartless

We don't make any sense

'Cause we found something

That changes everything

So you just keep on running

While I'm waiting for you

In the end

Hold on to hopeless

--

Eilen oli fysioterapeutin kanssa loppukysely. Olis kyllä tosi kiva, jos saataisiin mulle lisää tuota psykofyysistä fysioterapiaa Kelan vaativana lääkinnällisenä kuntoutuksena. Jotenkin se tuntuu sellaselta terapiamuodolta, joka vois ihan oikiasti olla mulle tosi hyödyllistä. Pelattiin myös muutama tunti enon kanssa lautapelejä, oli kivaa. Yleensä pyritään kerran pari vuodessa pelailemaan. Tänään käytiin Matkuksessa ja huomenna ostetaan loput paukut sekä ruuat uudelle vuodelle. Ens viikolla suuntaan sit takas Ouluun.

My obsession

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Elephant in the Room

Let's talk about the elephant in the room

We gotta talk about the elephant in the room

(Spaz is here too)

Who's working for who?

You've been asking for a hurricane

Now you're complaining when it rains

May the burning bridges light your way

I made a list of all your flaws today

Actions you don't wanna answer

Leading with a bad example

Yeah, we've gotta steal some men

Who've got the guts to do anything

But not enough to face the consequences

You suck at everything

And get by all of your expenses

(No, no)

You don't wanna face the consequences

(No, no)

You don't wanna face the consequences

Let's talk about the elephant in the room

We gotta talk about the elephant in the room

Who's working for who?

When it comes to egos, I'm an elephant (Yup)

When it comes to flows, I'm irrelevant (Yup)

Homies, we only sixteen years old

Listening, but I hear no

Reasonable feedback when I'm being the roll

I need that

Gimme something, ain't nobody bad

I'm tryna get by with a bit a kinder mouth

They say, I-I'm too full of myself

But ain't nobody as cool as myself

Goddamn refrigerator

You real don't know what hit ya', hater

It's Spaz Caroon, your favourite teenager

Who got guts to do anything

You've got the guts to do anything

But not enough to face the consequences

(No no)

You don't wanna face the consequences

(No, no)

You don't wanna face the consequences

Stop the drama

I'm sick and tired of people blaming their drama on me

Face the karma

I'm sick and tired of people blaming their karma on me

Liar, liar, pants on fire, hang you from the townfolk wire

You're fighting

We told you

I'm dying

I'm sick and tired of people placing their drama on me

I'm sick and tired of people who got guts to do

Anything

But not enough to face the consequences

(No, no)

You don't wanna face the consequences

(No, no)

You don't wanna face the consequences

Stop the drama

I'm sick and tired of people blaming their drama on me

Face the karma

I'm sick and tired of people blaming their karma on me

We gotta talk about the elephant in the room

(Guess we got talking)

Who's working for who?

Enjoy the silence

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Can't Hold Us

Drop the ceiling

Blind Channel is back again

What it is, what it does, what it is, what it isn't

Looking for a better way to get up out of bed

Instead of getting on the Internet and checking a new hit me

Get up, fresh out, pimp strut walking

Little bit of humble, little bit of cautious

Somewhere between like Rocky and Cosby

Sweater game, nope, nope y'all can't copy

Yup, bad, moon walking, this here is our party

Blind Channel's been on Broadway

And we did it our way

Grown music, I shed my skin

And put my bones into everything I record to it

And yet I'm on

Let that stage light go and shine on down

Got that Bob Barker suit game and plinko in my style

Money, stay on my craft and stick around for those pounds

But I do that to pass the torch and put on for my town

Trust me, on my I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T shit hustler

Chasing dreams since I was fourteen with the four track bussing

Halfway cross that city with the backpack, fat cat, crush shit

Labels out here

Now they can't tell me nothing

We give that to the people

And spread it across the country

Labels out here

Now they can't tell me nothing

We give it to the people

And spread it across the country

Can we go back, this is the moment

Tonight is the night, we'll fight 'til it's over

So we put our hands up like the ceiling can't hold us

Like the ceiling can't hold us

Can we go back, this is the moment

Tonight is the night, we'll fight 'til it's over

So we put our hands up like the ceiling can't hold us

Like the ceiling can't hold us

Nah, can I kick it? Thank you

Yeah, I'm so damn grateful

I grew up, really wanted gold fronts

But that's what you get when Macklemore raised you

Y'all can't stop me, go hard like I got an 808 in my heart beat

And I'm eating at the beat like you give a little speed

To a great white shark on shark week

Raw, tell me go up, gone

This is goodbye, I got a world to see

And my girl, she wanna see Rome

Caesar'll make you a believer

Nah, I never ever did it for a throne

That validation comes from giving it back to the people

Nah, sing this song and it goes like

Raise those hands, this is our party

We came here to live life like nobody was watching

I got my city right behind me

If I fall, they got me

Learn from that failure gain humility

And then we keep marching ourselves

Can we go back, this is the moment

Tonight is the night, we'll fight 'til it's over

So we put our hands up like the ceiling can't hold us

Like the ceiling can't hold us

Na na na na na na na na

And all my people say

Na na na na na na na na

Drop the ceiling

Can we go back, this is the moment

Tonight is the night, we'll fight 'til it's over

So we put our hands up like the ceiling can't hold us

Like the ceiling can't

Can we go back, this is the moment

Tonight is the night, we'll fight 'til it's over

So we put our hands up like the ceiling can't hold us

Like the ceiling can't hold us

Can we put our hands up?

--

Huomenna!!

White rabbit

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Timebomb

Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'm a timebomb

Ready to go off like a timebomb

Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'm a timebomb

You don't wanna be anywhere near me

I need a face tat cause I feel like that guy Malone

I was on a tour popping pills and fucking hoes

Look at me, I don't give a I don't give a

Still I'm going off like a time bomb

I'm showing off

I'm gonna light me up

I'm gonna burn me out

Yeah, still I can't calm down

Mommy, I tried life sorry I wasn't good at it

I tried to live but at the end of the day I just wanna be

More than just alive

Even if it kills me

I'm dying to feel this

I'll go out in style

Just a matter of time now

Every second, minute, hour

Hear me ticking?

Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'm a timebomb

Ready to go off like a timebomb

Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'm a timebomb

You don't wanna be anywhere near me

Damn

Grinding way too long

See the red flag

Flex while the legend falls

I don't know what I'm doing what I'm doing 

Still I'm going off like a timebomb

Dominos

Started falling off

Me and my boy Alex on the radio

Fellas I'm sorry you're just collateral damage

When I'm trying to live but at the end of the day I just wanna be

More than just alive

Even if it kills me

I'm dying to feel this

I'll go out in style

Just a matter of time now

Every second, minute, hour

Hear me ticking?

Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'm a timebomb

Ready to go off like a timebomb

Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'm a timebomb

You don't wanna be anywhere near me

I break hearts, break stuff and I break rules

Didn't you know fucked up is the new cool?

Chill out, haters, I hate myself more than you do

Do you a favor and you all can watch me go boom!

(More than just alive

Even if it kills me)

More than just alive

Even if it kills me

I'm dying to feel this

I'll go out in style

Just a matter of time now

Every second, minute, hour

Hear me ticking?

Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'm a timebomb

Ready to go off like a timebomb

Tick-tock, tick-tock, I'm a timebomb

I break hearts, break stuff and I break rules

Didn't you know fucked up is the new cool?

Chill out, haters, I hate myself more than you do

Do you a favor and you all can watch me go boom

Against the tide

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Deja FU**

Two years done

Now we're out from the basement

Poppin' out violent pop and it's shameless

You should have seen your faces

A disaster is an understatement

This was too much but it's not enough

I know it wasn't smart but it was fun

And now the drumbeat may be gone

But I know our heartbeats carry on

And everybody's like

That's so inappropriate

Well then so be it

Listen up, ladies and gentlemen

We're gonna tear off the ceiling and rip out the floor

Boys, I've gotta feeling we've been here before

We've been here before

We've been here before

We've been here before

Outside we're celebrating

Inside we're suffocating

This isn't a party

This isn't a party

When the storm is raging

I find it elevating

This isn't a party

This isn't a party

This was too much but it's not enough

I know it wasn't smart but it was fun

And now the drumbeat may be gone

But I know our heartbeats carry on

On the other hand

We are just another band

With a little bit of this and a little bit of that

If you hit 'em with a riff, and a little bit of rap

See, we don't give a shit and everybody's getting mad

But I'm glad 'cause that gives a man

What he needs to proceed

Man's gotta eat and NC's still hungry

Outside we're celebrating

Inside we're suffocating

This isn't a party

This isn't a party

When the storm is raging

I find it elevating

This isn't a party (This isn't a party)

This isn't a party

You should have seen your faces

A disaster is an understatement

An understatement

Let's fuck this place up

Hahaha

Oh my God

Outside we're celebrating

Inside we're suffocating

This isn't a party

Outside we're celebrating

Inside we're suffocating

This isn't a party (This isn't a party)

This isn't a party

When the storm is raging

I find it elevating

This isn't a party (This isn't a party)

This isn't a party

This was too much but it's not enough

I know it wasn't smart but it was fun

And now the drumbeat may be gone

But I know our heartbeats carry on

Carry on

Our heartbeats carry on

Our heartbeats carry on

--

Viikko enää jouluaattoon!! Aivan ihanaa. Kurssitöitä en oo saanut tehtyä, alan pikkuhiljaa lipsua totaalisen 'en välitä vittuakaan'-fiiliksen puolelle, ei hyvä... Huomenna jouluostoksille.

As you go

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Giants

I've been away too down for way too long

I've been falling slowly, just like snow

My heart is like a fountain that overflows

What are men to mountains, I don't know

Every time you fall you pick yourself up again

When you hit the floor you forget all about the pain

Under pressure you're a diamond

Outnumbered you're a lion

And you're filled up with defiance

And not your judgement fire

Trust yourself and you can move mountains

And you can fight giants

Ooh, ooh

And you can fight giants

Ooh, ooh

Will this fucking nightmare ever end?

I will become stronger and ending myself

Are you mature enough and what's up

'Till I'm a nape expecting his first

Like I'm a theorist aiming for prophets

Chaining while you fixing on phenomenal

Nothing's impossible, turn me into a motherfucking animal

Why are your bones are like a giant's?

I'm a giant, making the most of life out of this child

Every time you fall you pick yourself up again

When you hit the floor you forget all about the pain

Under pressure you're a diamond

Outnumbered you're a lion

And you're filled up with defiance

And not your judgement fire

Trust yourself and you can move mountains

And you can fight giants

You can fight giants

Ooh

And you can fight giants

Pick yourself up again

So let's go fight giants

--

10 päivää jouluaattoon!!

Apologise

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Naysayers

We never listen to a word you say

Yes, you can walk away

Don't wanna hear what you have to say

We've got the spirit and we'll be okay

Walk the fuck away from me

Right now, settle down

Some serious shit's about to go down

We've got flares, let's point 'em up

You can walk away or join the club

We're death and we're disco

From Moscow to San Francisco

Get down one, two, three, four

Get up ready, steady go

Look at me

What do you see?

No regrets for anything

Look at me

What do you see?

(Naysayers)

We never listen to a word you say

Yes, you can walk away

Don't wanna hear what you have to say

We've got the spirit and we'll be okay

This is a countdown

Everybody's gonna bounce

Put your hands up lIke there's a gunman in da house

Ringleaders and cheerleaders

Join us on our mission

Naysayers and nonbelievers

We won't listen

Look at me

What do you see?

No regrets for anything

Look at you

Watcha gonna do?

(Naysayers)

We never listen to a word you say

Yes, you can walk away

Don't wanna hear what you have to say

We've got the spirit and we'll be okay

Right now, settle down

Some serious shit's about to go down

We've got flares, let's point 'em up

You can walk away or join the club

We're death and we're disco

From Moscow to San Francisco

Get down one, two, three, four

Get up ready, steady go

Look at me

What do you see?

No regrets for anything

Look at us

Look at you

(Naysayers)

We never listen to a word you say

Yes, you can walk away

Don't wanna hear what you have to say

We've got the spirit and we'll be okay

We never listen to a word you say

Yes, you can walk away

Don't wanna hear what you have to say

We've got the spirit and we'll be okay

Right now, settle down

Some serious shit's about to go down

We've got flares, let's point 'em up

You can walk away or join the club

We're death and we're disco

From Moscow to San Francisco

Get down one, two, three, four

Get up ready, steady go

Firework

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Died Enough for You

This is where we fall apart

This is where I'm giving up

From a kiss

To the lips

To a razor to the wrist

I need a fix

Old dogs don't learn new tricks

I get fucked up and I trip

I find hope in the abyss

Don't cry for this

It's just apocalypse

Ey

You bring your issues

I bring the tissues

You bring your bad news

I bring the booze

You're self-destructive

I'm not in the mood

I'm saying fuck this, I've died enough for you

I've died enough for you

I've died enough for you

This is where we fall apart

This is where I'm giving up

I'm getting out, I'm signing off

I'm done with you

So go and mend your broken heart

'Cause this is where I'm giving up

I'm getting out, I'm signing off

I've died enough for you

To the moon and back

Then you stabbed me in the back

And it's you who's sad

See the irony in that

I'm waving a white flag

I see red, then I see black

No, don't be sad

Forever never lasts

Treat me like a game

I show you how it's played

Go tell your mama all men are the same

I was addicted but here comes the truth

I'm not a quitter but I've died enough for you

This is where we fall apart

This is where I'm giving up

I'm getting out, I'm signing off

I'm done with you

So go and mend your broken heart

'Cause this is where I'm giving up

I'm getting out, I'm signing off

I've died enough for you

I've died enough for you

This is where we fall apart

This is where I'm giving up

You bring your issues

I bring the tissues

You bring your bad news

This is where we fall apart

You're self-destructive

I'm not in the mood

I'm saying fuck this, I've died enough for you

This is where we fall apart

This is where I'm giving up

I'm getting out, I'm signing off

I'm done with you

So go and mend your broken heart

'Cause this is where I'm giving up

I'm giving up

I'm getting out, I'm signing off

I've died enough for you

--

Tänään oli nyt vika fysioterapia (ainakin tällä erää), loppukysely tehdään etänä sitten välipäivinä. Olin ostanut fysioterapeutille kynttilän ja kirjotin myös pienen tekstinpätkän kiitokseksi, meinasi vähän alkaa itkettämään kun ne annoin mutta jäi kyllä hyvä fiilis. Toivon tosiaan että onnistuttaisiin saamaan mulle tuota psykofyysista fysioterapiaa Kelan vaativana lääkinnällisenä kuntoutuksena, fysioterapeuttikin oli sitä mieltä että ollaan tavallaan vasta päästy alkuun ja ois harmi jos tässä vaiheessa pitäis lopettaa. Tuosta on ollut mulle niin paljon apua, että kokisin itsekin sen hyödylliseksi. Haluaisin uskoa että Kela kyllä hyväksyis sen ja mullahan olis sitten jo palveluntuottajakin siinä valmiina eikä tarvitsis ettiä niinko tuohon psykoterapiaan (ei oo mitään kuulunut nyt enää, kielteisiä ollu kaikki vastaukset ja loput sitten ei oo ees vastanneet). Pitää vielä huomenna hoitajan kanssa jutella, vielä ei ollut kerennyt fysioterapeutti sille soittaa. Hain myös ton fysioterapian jälkeen ne hoitotarvikkeet kun ne onnekkaasti oli sattuneet tulemaan. Sain nyt nuita uusia sensoreita, toivottavasti ne toimii hyvin. Muistin myös jopa tilata uusia ketoaineliuskoja kun entiset oli aika vanhentuneita (tosin ne kyllä toimi ihan hyvin). Huomenna tosiaan sairaanhoitajan aika (ihanasti kello 8 aamulla, en nauti mutta se oli ainoa mahollinen aika tähän väliin) ja lauantaina sitten porukat tulee hakemaan mut.

Glad you came

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Unforgiving

Daytime but it feels like the afterlife

So starved that I lost my appetite

I ain’t buying your shit, feed it to the crocodiles

That circle around you like satellites

I built my castle on a battle field

Get real it’s a deal or no deal

I will never yield, do what you what but you won’t break my shield

Hey, old friend, the party just started

Yo, hatred, so nice for you to come here

I’ve missed you but it’s nice to see you again

This hatred dwells in me

It never set me free

And I’m just looking for a reason to let go

I never wanted to be so unforgiving

Midnight and it’s time for me to come alive

Sleep tight when my posse’s on joyride

Keep your laser eyes we have kryptonite

Payback’s a bitch, bring the dynamite

Steal a car run away, babe, whatcha say?

It’s okay, getaway’s a piece of cake

You are just a fake, you remind of things that I hate

This hatred dwells in me

It never set me free

And I’m just looking for a reason to let go

I never wanted to be so unforgiving

Hey, old friend, the party just started

Yo, hatred, so nice for you to come here

I’ve missed you but it’s nice to see you again

This hatred dwells in me

It never set me free

Kill it

This hatred dwells in me

It never set me free

And I’m just looking for a reason to let go

I never wanted to be so unforgiving

Demons

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Wolfpack

Late at night, I'm awake

While the streets are coming alive

Hear the sirens in the air

As the town's running out of light

Seen the sickness, felt the weakness

I've been running all my life

'Til I made peace with all my demons

Now we're hunting side by side

Rise up and fight

If you run, you'll only die tired

Standing by my side, so hold your head up high

The storm arrives

The lone wolf dies but the pack survives

Poison in our eyes, our blood as cold as ice

We own the night

The lone wolf dies but the pack survives

The lone wolf dies but the pack survives

Somewhere in the city, I can feel you following me

I've been caving in, I couldn't breathe

But with you, I'm finally free

If I can't protect you, I'll avenge you

We ain't playin' by no rules

Fear the full moon

Feed the young wolves

Those who got nothing to lose

Standing by my side, so hold your head up high

The storm arrives

The lone wolf dies but the pack survives

Poison in our eyes, our blood as cold as ice

We own the night

The lone wolf dies but the pack survives

Lay a finger on my friend

And I will make your death look like an accident

Lay a finger on my friend

And I will make your death look like an accident

Standing by my side, so hold your head up high

The storm arrives

The lone wolf dies but the pack survives

Poison in our eyes, our blood as cold as ice

We own the night

The lone wolf dies but the pack

The storm arrives

We own the night

The lone wolf dies but the pack survives

Tears don't fall

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Don't

I met this girl late last year

She said don't you worry if I disappear

I told her I'm not really looking for another mistake

I called an old friend thinking that the trouble would wait

But then I jump right in

A week later returned

I reckon she was only looking for a lover to burn

But I gave her my time for two or three nights

Then I put it on pause 'til the moment was right

I went away for months until our paths crossed again

She told me, I was never looking for a friend

Maybe you could swing by my room around 10: 00

Baby, bring a lemon and a bottle of gin

We'll be in between the sheets 'til the late AM

Baby, if you wanted me then you should've just said

She's singing

Don't fuck with my love

That heart is so cold

All over my home

I don't wanna know that babe

Don't fuck with my love

I told her she knows

Take aim and reload

I don't wanna know that babe

For a couple weeks I

Only wanna see her

We drink away the days with a take-away pizza

Before a text message was the only way to reach her

Now she's staying at my place and loves the way I treat her

Singing out Aretha

All over the track like a feature

And never wants to sleep, I guess that I don't want to either

But me and her we make money the same way

Four cities, two planes the same day

And those shows have never been what it's about

But maybe we'll go together and just figure it out

I'd rather put on a film with you and sit on the couch

But we should get on a plane

Or we'll be missing it now

Wish I'd have written it down

The way that things played out

When she was kissing him

How? I was confused about

She should figure it out while I'm sat here singing

Don't fuck with my love

That heart is so cold

All over my home

I don't wanna know that babe

Don't fuck with my love

I told her she knows

Take aim and reload

I don't wanna know that babe

On my hotel door

I don't even know if she knows what for

She was crying on my shoulder

I already told ya

Trust and respect is what we do this for

I never intended to be next

But you didn't need to take him to bed that's all

And I never saw him as a threat

Until you disappeared with him to have sex of course

It's not like we were both on tour

We were staying on the same fucking hotel floor

And I wasn't looking for a promise or commitment

But it was never just fun and I thought you were different

This is not the way you realize what you wanted

It's a bit too much, too late if I'm honest

All this time god knows I'm singing

Don't fuck with my love

That heart is so cold

All over my home

I don't wanna know that babe

Don't fuck with my love

I told her she knows

Take aim and reload

I don't wanna know that babe

--

Tänään tiskasin ja osallistuin luennolle etänä. Viime aikoina on jostain syystä ollu aivan saatanallinen ahistus päällä lähes kellon ympäri, joten ei tehny mieli lähtä mihinkään. Huomenna sairaanhoitajan aika sekä fysioterapia, pitää myös käydä kaupassa. Torstaina sitten on se konsertti!

Colourful mind

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Left Outside Alone

All my life I've been waiting

For you to bring a fairytale my way

Been living in a fantasy without meaning

It's not okay, I don't feel safe

I need to pray

I don't feel safe

No, no, no, no

Left broken, empty and in despair

Wanna breathe, can't find air

Thought you were sent from up above

But you and me, we never had love

So much more I have to say

Help me find a way

And I wonder if you know, how it really feels

To be left outside alone, when it's cold out here

Well, maybe you should know, just how it feels

To be left outside alone

To be left outsidе alone

I tell you, all my life I'vе been waiting

For you to bring a fairytale my way

Been living in a fantasy without meaning

It's not okay, I don't feel safe

I need to pray

Why do you play me like a game?

Always someone else to blame

Careless, helpless little man

Someday you might understand

There's not much more to say

Held me find a way

Still I wonder if you know, how it really feels

To be left outside alone, when it's cold out here

Well, maybe you should know, just how it feels

To be left outside alone

To be left outside alone

I tell you, all my life I've been waiting

For you to bring a fairytale my way

Been living in a fantasy without meaning

It's not okay, I don't feel safe

I need to pray

Heavenly father

Heavenly father

Heavenly father

Save me (save me)

Save me (save me)

Save me (save me)

I wonder if you know, how it really feels

To be left outside alone, when it's cold out here

Well, maybe you should know, just how it feels

To be left outside alone

To be left outside alone

I tell you, all my life I've been waiting

For you to bring a fairytale my way

Been living in a fantasy without meaning

It's not okay, I don't feel safe

I need to pray

--

Tänään oli fysioterapia. Sen lisäksi juttelin porukoitten kanssa Skypessä semmoset puolitoista tuntia (Runtti oli taas niin söpönä, en malta oottaa että pääsen sen luo) ja katoin leffan. Huomenna pitää käydä kaupassa ja pitäis ihan oikiasti yrittää saaja jotain kurssihommia tehtyä. Ahistaa vaan niin saatanasti kun ei pysty keskittymään (huomaan nyt tosi hyvin miten paljon mun kognitiiviset kyvyt on tän masennuksen takia huonontuneet) eikä saa mitään aikasiksi sen takia että ahdistaa ja sitten se ahdistaa.

The tide began to rise

 Song of the day;;

→ Blind Channel - Dark Side

Put your middle fingers up

Take a shot, throw it up and don't stop

I'm, I'm, I'm living that life on the dark side

(Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo)

Every psycho in the scene

Hands up and follow me saying (Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo)

Empire of the freaks, all drinks on me

Just another night in my pitch black paradise

Don't wanna cry, so I gotta get paralyzed

My body is my weapon, so I keep it loaded

'Til I'm all over the place like my head exploded

Don't waste your prayers, they can't save us

Lifestyles of the sick and dangerous

Put your middle fingers up

Take a shot, throw it up and don't stop

I'm, I'm, I'm living that life on the dark side

Likе the 27 Club, headshot

We don't wanna grow up

I'm, I'm, I'm living that lifе on the dark side

Life on the dark side

(Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo)

Every psycho in the scene

Hands up and follow me saying (Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo)

Empire of the freaks, all drinks on me

I'm in a cave of man-made misery

Digging a grave for myself and my enemies

Of all the dark things that keep me wasted

You're the sweetest I've ever tasted

Put your middle fingers up

Take a shot, throw it up and don't stop

I'm, I'm, I'm living that life on the dark side

Like the 27 Club, headshot

We don't wanna grow up

I'm, I'm, I'm living that life on the dark side

Life on the dark side

Just another night in my pitch black paradise

Don't wanna cry so I gotta get paralyzed

Don't waste your prayers, they can't save us

Lifestyles of the sick and dangerous

Put your middle fingers up

Take a shot, throw it up and don't stop

I'm, I'm, I'm living that life on the dark side

Like the 27 Club, headshot

We don't wanna grow up

I'm, I'm, I'm living that life on the dark side

Life on the dark side

(Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo)

Every psycho in the scene

Hands up and follow me saying (Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo)

Empire of the freaks

All drinks on me

--

Tulevaisuuden minä täällä hei! JUMALAUTA POJAT, VOIDAAN OLLA IHAN HELVETIN YLPEITÄ!! Kuudenneksi tultiin ja aivan älyttömän hyvä sijotus, kun ottaa huomioon että ei olla viime vuosina juuri finaaliin päästy eikä muutenkaan kovin hyvin pärjätty. Italia voitti ja olikin yksi mun suosikeista, joten ei haittaa! Tän vuoden viisuja en ookaan tänne postaillut, pitäis varmaan... Myös Sveitsi oli yksi mun suosikeista, hetken ajan toivoin jo että voitto menis sinne mutta hyvä näin! Tosi hyvää tekee koko kisalle se, että kerrankin voitto irtosi jollain muulla kuin balladilla tai poppitanssibiisillä. Ehkä mekin voitaisiin nyt keskittyä laittamaan tonne tällasia biisejä joilla me oikeasti pärjätään... Nyt ei kun ensi vuonna sitten Italiassa nähdään!