So I walked into the haze and a million dirty ways

So, this is it. My summer holiday began today which means that primary school is over for me. I've got 2 and a half months to spend like I want and then, in August, I'm off to upper secondary school (high school, you twats). I really don't want to go. If I would've been smart, I would've applied to a school in another town/city but no. Maybe I'm that much of a masochist that I just want to torture myself by going to school here. How the hell am I s'posed to make it out alive there when I don't 'ave anyone left who'd care (not that they normally would, I find it kind of bizarre 'ow people seem to expect me to care but then they can toss me around anyway they like)?

Maybe I 'ave too much time in my hands now. I reckon it's not good for me to be left alone with my thoughts for too long, but what can I do. I 'ave to put this act up because every time someone who I cared for left my confidence crumpled and I started wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. Something 'as to be. And looking back now, I can't understand how the 'ell I pulled through all that? And now... I'm all alone 'ere. I've got no one to talk to (well technically I do but I don't want to bother 'em), I've got no one to spend time with.

I know that when I get out of this fucking town and this country, I'll never come back. Only to visit, I reckon, but I know I won't stick around. I'm so tired of this place, it's wearing me down. I know I'm asking too much and complaining about things I 'ave caused myself but I really can't help it. Writing like this is the only way I can let some of these fucking emotions out without causing any more damage to anyone, and right now I really don't care who gets mad at me and who goes apeshit.