Sonder

 Song of the day;;

→ Memphis May Fire - Misery

I feel it coming like it's lookin' for some violence

I try to speak, but it's saying to be silent

I grab the bottle, hoping I can make it quiet

But they get louder every time I try to hide it

Nothing left to lose at rock bottom

Wounds turn to scars, yeah, I got 'em

But I've come to learn you've gotta let it burn

If you're gonna be forged in the fire

I try to take the pain away, nothing seems to change

But when I go through hell, it's when I know myself

And all the lies that I believe are digging me a grave

But when I go through hell, that's where I find myself

Remade in misery

I felt myself from the dark with blurry vision

The walls turn to bars, it was a prison

Could have found my way out if I had listened

I had to die to find what I've been missing

Nothing left to lose at rock bottom

Wounds turn to scars, yeah, I got 'em

And I've come to learn you've gotta let it burn

If you're gonna be forged in the fire

I try to take the pain away, but it kept chasing me

It's never gonna leave

I try to take the pain away, nothing seems to change

But when I go through hell, it's when I know myself

And all the lies that I believe are digging me a grave

But when I go through hell, that's where I find myself

Remade in misery

It's easier to say I hate it

Than to admit that I create it

I'm done running, I'm done running

I'm done running, I can't escape it

It's easier to say I hate it

Than to admit that I create it

I'm done running, I'm done running

I'm done running, I can't escape it

I try to take the pain away, nothing seems to change (Nothing seems to change)

But when I go through hell, it's when I know myself

And all the lies that I believe are digging me a grave (Digging me a grave)

But when I go through hell, that's where I find myself

Remade in misery

(But when I go through hell, that's where I find myself)

Remade in misery

--

Tämä on ehdottomasti mun mielestä yksi MMF:n parhaimmista biiseistä. Muistuttaa mua myös yhdestä mun omasta hahmosta.

Unholy

Song of the day;;

→ Memphis May Fire - Your Turn

What goes around comes around

That's how the world turns

You’ll get what's coming to you

Then maybe you'll learn

The price that you pay

For being two-faced

Is sleeping in the bed that you made

Did you think that it would never catch up to you?

Speaking out like we would never come to see the truth?

The things that you do

The lies you can’t prove

The problem is you

The problem is you

You point the finger, but the problem is you

What goes around comes around

That's how the world turns

You'll get what's coming to you

Then maybe you'll learn

Thе price that you pay

For being two-faced

Is sleeping in thе bed that you made

What goes around comes around and now it's your turn

Walk around like you're the only one you answer to

It's all a game until your throne is in an empty room

There’s no one around

The show’s over now

So go take your bow

Take your bow

What goes around comes around

That's how the world turns

You’ll get what's coming to you

Then maybe you'll learn

The price that you pay

For being two-faced

Is sleeping in the bed that you made

What goes around comes around and now it's your turn

(And now it’s your turn)

(And now it's your turn)

Feel the judgment you passed

The loved ones put last

You can't hide two faces behind a mask

Now they can see behind your mask

Two-faced

(What goes around comes around)

What goes around comes around

That's how the world turns (how the world turns)

You'll get what's coming to you

Then maybe you'll learn (you'll learn)

The price that you pay

For being two-faced

Is sleeping in the bed that you made

What goes around comes around

That's how the world turns (how the world turns)

You'll get what's coming to you

Then maybe you'll learn (you'll learn)

The price that you pay

For being two-faced

Is sleeping in the bed that you made

What goes around comes around and now it's your turn

Your turn

--

Ai jumalauta, aivan ihanaa, että täälä ukkosti tänään! Satoi myös jonkin verran. Ei se kauaa kestänyt, mutta sen verran, että lämpötila tipahti ihan mukavasti. 

Chadzila halota...

 Song of the day;;

→ Memphis May Fire & AJ Channer - Only Human

Here you go lying again

Thinking you’re perfect

That you’re holier than thou again

Like you don't make mistakes

But aren't we just human?

You see my halo nah

Cause use I'm just like you man

I'm just you man

I talk my talk I walk my walk

And I could fall but I stand tall

I could be knocked down come back and burn them all

What you think, I'm supposed to fit this perfect reality

Of this picture that you made up in your mind about me

I’m not perfect like you

So if you think that you could do better why don’t you

(Look in the mirror if you’ve got something to prove)

I know you wish that I was different

I’ll never fit inside the mold you created

You’ll never know what I’ve been up against

I’m not another one of your fabrications

Your innocence is ignorance

We’re all the same but you blame like you’re sacred

I know you wish that I was different

But I’m only human

Try to murder man

Cancel your feelings and just think with your mind again

I'm back alive again

Broke the code with a couple foul words I know

But we ain't owed

Just want to let you know

There's no exemptions on the road to redemption

So just in case you didn’t hear me the first time

I’m not perfect like you

So, if you think that you could do better why don’t you

I know you wish that I was different

(I’ll never fit inside the mold you created)

You’ll never know what I’ve been up against

(I’m not another one of your fabrications)

I know you wish that I was different

I’ll never fit inside the mold you created

You’ll never know what I’ve been up against

I’m not another one of your fabrications

Your innocence is ignorance

We’re all the same but you blame like you’re sacred

I know you wish that I was different

But I’m only human

To whom it may concern I’ll leave the names out

Heavy is the head that wears the false crown

Heavy is the head

Heavy is the head that wears the false crown

I know you wish that I was different

I’ll never fit inside the mold you created

You’ll never know what I’ve been up against

I’m not another one of your fabrications

Your innocence is ignorance

We’re all the same but you blame like you’re sacred

I know you wish that I was different

But I’m only human

--

Tänään oli taas tosi ihana sää, lämmin ja aurinkoinen. Fysioterapiassa käytiin ulkona käppäilemässä (olin etuajassa koska jostain syystä olin saanu päähäni että se aika on kello 12 vaikka olin kyllä kalenteriin ihan oikein merkannut että se on kello 13) ja myöhemmin kävin vielä lenkillä. Huomenna on psykoterapia.

Second chances

 Song of the day;;

→ Memphis May Fire - Make Believe

It's not the same as it used to be

And I'm afraid it's pointin' back at me

I have to question what I still believe

I just hope I find the missin' piece

Feels like every day's the same

Chemicals inside my brain

Make me think I'm in a simulation

Nothing ever seems to change

And it's written on my face

Am I livin' in my own creation?

Am I alive or am I just breathin'?

I'm so numb that sometimes I fear

It's all make-believe

Is it make-believe?

I'vе been lost, lookin' for a reason

To carry on, but I'm losin' hope

Is this all a dream?

Tеll me, is it make-believe?

I'm not the same as I used to be

I think I'm haunted by the things I've seen

Is anybody else the same as me?

(Is anybody else the same as me?)

It feels like every day's the same

Chemicals inside my brain

Make me think I'm in a simulation

Nothin' ever seems to change

And it's written on my face

Am I headed for my own damnation?

Am I alive or am I just breathin'?

I'm so numb that sometimes I fear

It's all make-believe

Is it make-believe?

I've been lost, lookin' for a reason

To carry on, but I'm losin' hope

Is this all a dream?

Tell me, is it make-believe?

Am I glitchin' in and out again?

When the game is over, will I see the end?

Maybe they just forgot to plug me in

The screen is black and now I'm seein' red

Now I'm seein' red

When the game is over, will I see the end?

Am I alive or am I just breathin'?

I'm so numb that sometimes I fear

It's all make-believe

Is it make-believe?

I've been lost, lookin' for a reason

To carry on, but I'm losin' hope

Is this all a dream?

Tell me, is it make-believe?

--

Käytiin kaverin kanssa kiertelemässä Valkeassa (olihan sitä pakko ostaa Normalista pari juttua ja käytin mun Suomalaisen lahjakortin tän vuoden Maailmankaikkeus-kirjaan) ja sitten syömässä. Jostain syystä mua on väsyttänyt tänään ihan älyttömästi, mistä lie sitten johtuu. Huomenna on ens viikon ainoa vapaapäivä (jos viikonloppua ei lasketa), joten varmaan vaan pelailen ja chillaan, kun tulee olemaan kiireinen ja uuvuttava viikko edessä.

Army of noise

 Song of the day;;

→ Memphis May Fire - Left for Dead

Left for dead

Always knew that love was blind

But much to my surprise

The veil over my eyes was all a lie

I can see now looking back

The water in the cracks

I’m sinking into black, it was all a lie

I caught every stone you’d throw

You kept me feelin' low

There’s nowhere left to go, now I see the lies

All the signs I missed

Led me straight to this

Everything I ever wanted but you don’t exist

Now I can’t forget all that I regret

You pulled in, pushed me out

Now I’m lеft for dead

When all is said and done

I know you’rе not the one

And everything inside of me was sayin' I should run

You could take my breath away

With your pleasure and your pain

But you can never take back

The fact you can’t back the things you say

All the signs I missed

Led me straight to this

Everything I ever wanted but you don’t exist

Now I can’t forget all that I regret

You pulled in, pushed me out

Now I’m left for dead

I feel so sorry for the next one in line

They’ll never know that you’re a skeleton without a spine

No spine

All the signs I missed

Led me straight to this-

All the signs I missed

Led me straight to this

Everything I ever wanted but you don’t exist

Now I can’t forget all that I regret

You pulled in, pushed me out

Now I’m left for dead

All the signs I missed

Led me straight to this

Now I can’t forget

You pulled in, pushed me out

Now I’m left for dead

Now I’m left for dead

They’ll never know that you’re a skeleton without a spine

--

Piti siivota tänään mut en saanu aikaseks, joten katoin vaan Shrek 4:sen ja lakkasin kynnet. Suihkussakin kävin. Huomenna on ensin sairaanhoitajan aika kello 10 ja sitten kello 12 fysioterapia, jonka jälkeen pitää käydä apteekissa. Syön vielä yhen paketin tuota 15mg:ta ja sitten nostan.

No emotion

 Song of the day;;

→ Memphis May Fire - Somebody

I been headed to the bottom of the barrel for a while now

I think I need to slow down

I been blaming everybody but myself and yet somehow

I feel the weight deep down

Yeah, you know me

Making friends with all my demons

Never lonely

Self-destructive and I know it

But it's only

A matter of time

Before I'm outta my mind

I think I need a lifeline

I don't know when I became somebody

Somebody I don't recognise

I swear to God I never saw this coming

I never thought I'd leave it all behind

I want it, don't need it, I had to realize

I hate it, I feel it, believe my own lies

I really think that I could use somebody

Somebody to bring me back to life

Sometimes it comes in waves and hits me outta nowhere like a hurricane

Feels like I'm going insane

I don't wanna be a problem but my self-control's a losing game

When the venom's in my veins

Yeah, you know me

Making friends with all my demons

Never lonely

Self-destructive and I know it

But it's only

A matter of time

Before I'm outta my mind

I wish that I could rewind

I don't know when I became somebody

Somebody I don't recognise

I swear to God I never saw this coming

I never thought I'd leave it all behind

I want it, don't need it, I had to realize

I hate it, I feel it, believe my own lies

I really think that I could use somebody

Somebody to bring me back to life

Yeah, you know me

Making friends with all my demons

Never lonely

Self-destructive and I know it

But it's only

A matter of time

Before it's flatline, vital signs

Can I be revived?

Can I be revived?

I don't know when I became somebody

Somebody I don't recognise

I swear to God I never saw this coming

I never thought I'd leave it all behind

I want it, don't need it, I had to realize

I hate it, I feel it, believe my own lies

I really think that I could use somebody

Somebody to bring me back to life

Can I be revived?

Somebody to bring me back to life

--

Porukat oli tosiaan viime yön täällä (vanhemmat ja Runtti oli tosiaan varanneet yöksi huoneen ja sisko oli sitten täällä mun luona yötä). Nyt on entinen kämppä siivottu ja maanantaina käyn palauttamassa avaimet. Nyt mun pitää hieman täällä siivota ja järjestellä ja sitten tää alkaa olla aika loistava. Varasin myös pyykkivuoron ens keskiviikoksi. Käytiin myös ostamassa tänne kaikkia tarpeellisia juttuja, kuten mikro, vessan roskis, yks lamppu ja eteiseen tommonen pieni vetolaatikkohommeli. Ja verhot tohon alkoviin. Porukat toi mulle siskon vanhan pyörän kun se ei sitä käytä ja mun pyörä puhallettiin sillon joskus pari vuotta sitten, joten aattelin huomenna käydä pyöräilemässä jos ei sada. Jos sataa niin sitten vaan laittelen nuita tavaroita (eli siis lähinnä vien varastoon kaiken sellasen mitä en akuutisti jokapäiväsessä elämässä tarvi). Tai aattelin mä niitä muutenkin laitella, mut laittelen kerralla sit kaiken jos sataa koska sen verran kermaperse olen että en tykkää sateella olla ulkosalla jos ei oo ihan pakko (tosin kaupassa mun on pakko joka tapauksessa käydä). Maanantaina onkin sitten fysioterapia. Mulle ei enää nykyään tuu niin kauhia koti-ikävä ja sellanen ihmeellinen suru sillon kun porukat lähtee täältä, mut jotenkin tällä kertaa tuli ihan jäätävän kova koti-ikävä. Aika hassua sinänsä et se on edelleen välillä niin voimakasta, vaikka oon asunut nyt sen 5 vuotta omillani. Ei sitä enää niin usein tule, mut välillä enkä mä voi sille mitään. Se menee kyllä aika äkkiä ohi. Sain muuten olla tänään kahestaan pari tuntia Runtin kanssa ja varmaan osittain ehkä sen takiakin tuli niin kova ikävä, kun mulle tulee sitä aina niin kova ikävä.

Sun / rise / light / flies

 Song of the day;;

→ Memphis May Fire - Death Inside

My mind is racing, everything's changing

All these voices telling me that I should embrace it

Never seen its eyes, I don't think I can face it

Oh, it's getting closer now

I can't fake it, I fear what I've wasted

Days gone by like erasing the pages

Pain so real that I think I can taste it

It's getting, it's getting closer now

I see the hourglass

Flipped upside down

Tell me what is the meaning

If I'm barely breathing when the clock runs out?

(I fight)

I fight the feeling that's been growing undеrneath

(But I can't)

I can't deny that this is death insidе of me

Will I give up and never reach the end?

Get lost inside of my own head?

My demons feed on what is yet to be

Death inside of me

My heart is pounding, fear is surrounding

Don't wanna take for granted everyone that's around me

But if I let 'em in, is it my fault when they drown me?

Oh, I see the end in sight

I need grounding, a break from the doubting

'Cause I can't help but think they might better without me

I wonder when I'm gone what they'll be saying about me

I see it, I see the end in sight

And there's the hourglass

Flipped upside down

Tell me what is the meaning

If I'm barely breathing when the clock runs out?

(I fight)

I fight the feeling that's been growing underneath

(But I can't)

I can't deny that this is death inside of me

Will I give up and never reach the end?

Get lost inside of my own head?

My demons feed on what is yet to be

Death inside of me

Six feet deep in a pinewood box

'Cause we got no say when the reaper talks, go

When the reaper talks

I can't deny that this is death inside of me

(I fight)

I fight the feeling that's been growing underneath (Growing underneath)

(But I can't)

I can't deny that this is death inside of me (Death inside of me)

Will I give up and never reach the end?

Get lost inside of my own head?

My demons feed on what is yet to be

Death inside of me

--

Pettymykseni oli mittaamaton ja päiväni meni pilalle kun menin pahaa-aavistamattomana pyykkivuorolleni ja joku kyrvännuppi oli just laittanut omat pyykkinsä siihen koneeseen, jonka olin varannut. Jos olisin osannu pysäyttää sen ohjelman, olisin tehnyt niin ja heittänyt ne rätit epäseremoniallisesti suoraan vittuun, mutta nyt tämä kilipää pääsi helpolla. Laitoin asuntotoimistoon viestiä (yleensä en viiti mut nyt vitutti ja rankasti) ja varasin huomiselle uuden vuoron. Sisko tulee ens viikolla muutamaksi päiväksi tänne kun on hiihtoloma ja sitten mä menen käymään kotona.

Salvation

 Song of the day;;

→ Memphis May Fire - The Old Me

I'm thinking about the old me

'Cause I've been feeling empty

I never used to be so dead inside

I think I lost my memory

I can't remember carefree

And all my days turn into fight or flight

I wanna get back, tell me how to get back

I wanna get back, tell me how to get back

Say it again, say it again, tell me what I wanna hear

Tell me that I'm gonna be fine and there's nothing left to fear

'Cause I've been losing sleep (Losing sleep)

Trying to get back to who I used to be

Where is the old me?

(What happened to the old me?)

I don't like who I've become

A hollow shell of someone

And I feel like a stranger to myself

I don't need to start over

I just need to get back to when

I didn't wake up to this hell I'm in

Say it again, say it again, tell me what I wanna hear

Tell me that I'm gonna be fine and there's nothing left to fear

'Cause I've been losing sleep (Losing sleep)

Trying to get back to who I used to be

Where is the old me?

(What happened to the old me?)

I wanna get back, tell me how to get back

I wanna get back, tell me how to get back

Get back

I wanna get back to when I didn't think about

The chance of everything I never thought I'd live without

But when I look around the only thing I see

Is the broken pieces of the person who I used to be

Say it again, say it again, tell me what I wanna hear

Tell me that I'm gonna be fine and there's nothing left to fear

'Cause I've been losing sleep (Losing sleep)

Trying to get back to who I used to be

Where is the old me?

(What happened to the old me?)

I wanna get back, tell me how to get back