Left for dead

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - From Today

Watching fear take over life

Streets go silent cities die

Tomorrow slowly slipped away

Lost a friend to one more lie

Are we wrong to be afraid?

Are we strong if we pretend?

No matter what

I swear to god

These fucking thoughts

Won't keep me down

These fucking thoughts

Won't keep me down

I'm going loud into the night

Won't give up without a fight

From today, from today

You will hear me when I cry

Take my money, take my time

You will never take my light

From today, from today

All my demons listen to mе

Random words turn into knives

Hearts get brokеn over time

Will we let it be the way

Knowing hate is at its prime

Am I wrong to be at rage?

Am I strong if I engage?

No matter what

I swear to god

These fucking thoughts

Won't keep me down

These fucking thoughts

Won't keep me down

I'm going loud into the night

Won't give up without a fight

From today, from today

You will hear me when I cry

Take my money, take my time

You will never take my light

From today, from today

All my demons listen to me

Listen to me

Take my money, take my time

You will never take my light

Take my money, take my time

You will never take me

This is my resolution

This is my final stand

I'm going loud into the night

Won't give up without a fight

From today, from today

You will hear me when I cry

Take my money, take my time

You will never take my light

From today, from today

All my demons listen to me

This is my resolution

This is my final stand

Listen to me

This is my resolution

This is my final stand

--

Fakta numero 48: syön kompiaisia aika harvoin, mutta mun suosikkeja on kaikki colan makuset.

Revolution

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - Before I Go

They say the good die young but I've already grown

Still just a boy at heart in search of the unknown

I'm still holding on, holding on for good

Some days it feels like it's a test how far we bend

These days I tell myself it's not over till it ends

I'm still holding on, holding on for good

I may fail, I may fall, I may drift away like smoke

But you'll see my burning flames before I go

I will break every wall until I'm six feet under stone

You'll be calling out my name before I go

Oh-oh, oh-oh, before I go

I know a memory will be all that is left

Left of these places facеs oh I can't forget

I'll be holding on, holding on for good

I may fail, I may fall, I may drift away like smokе

But you'll see my burning flames before I go

I will break every wall until I'm six feet under stone

You'll be calling out my name before I go

Oh-oh, oh-oh, before I go

We win, we lose, give in, refuse

We wait our turn to live, to burn

We win, we lose, give in, refuse

We wait our turn to live, to burn

To burn

We win, we lose, give in, refuse

Until the end

I may fail, I may fall, I may drift away like smoke

But you'll see my burning flames before I go

I will break every wall until I'm six feet under stone

You'll be calling out my name before I go

Oh-oh, oh-oh, before I go

Oh-oh, oh-oh, before I go

--

Nyt on porukoitten lahjat ostettu, kakut leivottu ja Runtin lahjat paketoitu. Huomenna sitten joulupuuroa, siivoilua sun muuta.

Strength in numbers

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - CALLING

(Hey, hey, hey)

(Hey, hey, hey)

Fifteen years in the making

Five as one, we stand aligned

Going nowhere, but straight up higher

We sold our souls to the music

Loud and proud all through the night

Doing nothing, but going harder

We are the energy

Together a symphony

Making history

This is a calling (Oh-woah-oh)

Nothing can stop us or slow us down

I'll give you a warning (A warning)

Don’t ever try to bring us down

We're going louder now than ever before

So just let it blare

(Fifteen years of believing)

(Five plus all that held the line)

(We're not leaving) Nobody’s leaving

All for one (Devotion)

One for all (Emotion)

Growing bigger and only stronger

We are the energy

Together a symphony

Making history

This is a calling (Oh-woah-oh)

Nothing can stop us or slow us down

I'll give you a warning (A warning)

Don't ever try to bring us down

We're going louder now than ever before

So just let it blare

Yeah

We're going nowhere (Nobody's leaving)

We're going nowhere (Won't stop believing)

We are the energy

Together a symphony

Making history (Woah)

This is a calling (Oh-woah-oh)

Nothing can stop us or slow us down

I’ll give you a warning (A warning)

Don’t ever try to bring us down

This is a calling (Oh-woah-oh, oh-oh-oh)

(Fifteen years in the making)

(Five as one, we stand aligned)

This is a calling (Oh-woah-oh, oh-oh-oh)

(Fifteen years in the making)

(Five plus all that held the line)

We're going louder now than ever before (Oh-oh-oh)

We’re going louder now than ever before (Oh-woah-oh)

We're going louder now than ever before (Oh-oh-oh)

So just let it blare

--

Taisin tarvita lepoa, kun meni koko päivä aika lailla nukkuessa. Osasin kyllä odottaa sitä. Sain kuitenkin loput vaatteet järjesteltyä kaappiin, joten muita pikkujuttuja voin sitten laitella huomenna fysioterapian jälkeen. Pitäis muistaa käydä apteekissa, kun Lantus loppuu.

Not tomorrow

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - Six Feet Under

Is this the way that it feels inside

When you lose your mind, am I going crazy?

Is this the way that it feels to cry

A hundred times and never make a sound

Its all inside your head (don’t let it get to you)

Its all inside your head (don’t let it get you)

Its all inside your head (don’t let it get to you)

Its all inside your head

Every time I try to see, see outside the lines

I see you staring back at me

Telling me there’s so much more

Than all I know

I give it everything everything of me (everything of me)

But I’m still buried deep underneath

The thoughts that cover me

I give it everything everything of me (everything of me)

But I’m still waiting for the light to show

If I stop breathing will you save me

Is this the way that it feels inside

When you lose your mind, am I going crazy?

I think I tried a hundred times

But I’m still here, six feet under

Its all inside your head (don’t let it get to you)

Its all inside your head (don’t let it get you)

Its all inside your head (don’t let it get to you)

Its all inside your head

Why is it we bleed

Every time we feel the need to free

If only we could see, what our futures hold

Is there still hope?

I give it everything everything of me (everything of me)

But I’m still buried deep underneath

The thoughts that cover me

I give it everything everything of me (everything of me)

But I’m still waiting for the light to show

If I stop breathing will you save me

Will you save me before I start suffocating

I give it everything everything of me (everything of me)

But I’m still buried deep underneath

The thoughts that cover me

I give it everything everything of me

But I’m still waiting for the light to show

If I stop breathing will you save me

Will you save me, will you save me

--

Ehkä mä nyt uskallan toivoa, että tuo pahoinvointi olis ohi, kun ei sitä nyt oo moneen päivään näkyny enää. En sitten pyykännyt kun unohdin varata vuoron ja olin sairaanhoitajan käynnin jälkeen niin poikki etten jaksanu. Otsikko kuvastaa myös sitä, etten huomennakaan aio. Ehkä lauantaina. Sain lääkäriajan kahen viikon päähän (ja vitulla päähän kun se on kello 8:20, ei vituta yhtään ei), pitäis vaan yrittää käydä labroissa ennen sitä. Lääkäri ei vissiin ole sama ko viimeksi, eli pitää toivoa, että se ymmärtää mun tilannetta. En tykkää siitä, kun lääkärit alkaa syytellä sun muuta. Tässä lääkkeessä on ollu se huono puoli että sen jälkeen kun mä aloin ottamaan sitä, mä en ole pystynyt syömään kunnolla ja vaikka mulla olis nälkä, mua jotenkin ällöttää koko ajan. Tällein kun yrittää parantua syömishäiriöstä tää ei ole mitenkään erityisen toivottava sivuvaikutus (nyt vasta tajusin että unohdin sanoa tästä hoitajalle, pitää muistaa ens viikolla) vaikka se sairas ääni siellä päässä vaan juhlii sitä miten kivaa tää on. Jospa se vähän helpottais tässä kun keho on alkanu tottumaan tohon lääkkeeseen. 

Someday

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - REVOLUTION

Thinking out loud I see no solution

Screaming out loud for a revolution

Stop provoking me

Controlling what I want and what I need

Destroying what I say and what I mean

You try to test me

I'll make sure you bleed

I'm sick of expecting, sick of reasoning

Say what you wanna say

Do what you wanna do

You can call it love but you're killing me

Say what you wanna say

Do what you wanna do

Give me some closure, my patience is over

Thinking out loud I see no solution

Screaming out loud for a revolution

Holding on to a lie

Doesn't matter how hard I try

You'll be making up your damn mind

That I'm something made by design

Holding on to a lie

Doesn't matter how hard I try

You'll be making up your damn mind

That I'm something made by design

So just stop provoking me

Controlling what I want and what I need

Destroying who I am, who I fight to be

Say what you wanna say

Do what you wanna do

You can call it love but you're killing me

Say what you wanna say

Do what you wanna do

Give me some closure, my patience is over

Thinking out loud I see no solution

Screaming out loud for a revolution

I'm sick of being sick of still holding on

The poison's eating through my soul holding on

If only I could let this go, I'd let go

I'd let this go, I'd let this go

Thinking out loud I see no solution

Screaming out loud for a revolution

Thinking out loud I see no solution

Screaming out loud

Say what you wanna say

Do what you wanna do

You can call it love but you're killing me

Say what you wanna say

Do what you wanna do

Give me some closure, my patience is over

Thinking out loud I see no solution

Screaming out loud for a revolution

--

No joo. Tämä päivä oli. Ei ollu sillein huono olo, väsytti vaan niin maan helvetisti että en saanu tehtyä oikeestaan mitään. Tai no, sain katottua loput luentotallenteet ja tehtyä huomiselle tarvittavat tehtävät, mut siihenpä se sit jäi. Huomenna pitää ennen luentoa saada ees jotain tiskattua, loput sitten vaikka fysioterapian jälkeen keskiviikkona. Torstaille kaavailin sitten pyykkien pesua sairaanhoitajan jälkeen...

First date

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - ENVY

I still remember when you used to be my friend

How could you take everything we had and throw it all away

The sound of silence is getting old

Stuck inside this hell

Your heart may beat but still is cold

Tell me how long can you go

You don't ever stop, stop, stop

Until you get your way

And I'm getting sick, sick, sick

More than I'd ever say

I bite my tongue every time and keep it in

Because you won't ever stop, stop, stop

Until the bitter end

So here we go until it all breaks down

I still remember when you used to be my friend

I'm sorry if somehow you think I'll take the blame you're wrong

Take a look inside the mirror

Go point the finger at yourself

You don't ever stop, stop, stop

Until you get your way

And I'm getting sick, sick, sick

More than I'd ever say

I bite my tongue every time and keep it in

Because you won't ever stop, stop, stop

Until the bitter end

When it breaks

Building these four walls around yourself

A prison cell you call your home

Thinking it's easier by yourself

With no one's help

Building these four walls around yourself

A prison cell you call your home

Thinking it's easier by yourself

With no one's help

But you're so wrong

You don't ever stop, stop, stop

Until you get your way

And I'm getting sick, sick, sick

More than I'd ever say

I bite my tongue every time and keep it in

Because you won't ever stop, stop, stop

No, you'll never never stop

No, you'll never never stop

Until the bitter end

So here we go until it all breaks down

--

Okei, voitteko kertoa mulle miksi helvetissä mulla oli tänään aivan vitun kuolemafiilis vaikka oon ottanut tuota lääkettä nyt sen pari viikkoa varmaan? En pystyny kirjaimellisesti ees vaatteita vaihtamaan tänään kun oli niin paska olo. Nyt on jo parempi ollu useamman tunnin mut edelleen tuntuu vähän heikolta. Toivottavasti huomenna ois parempi kun pitäis hakia paketti ja käydä Tokmannissa. Toivon vaan ettei tämmösiä päiviä tuu enempää koska en jaksa päivästä toiseen tuommosta oloa. Hauskintahan tässä oli se että mulla oli henkisesti ihan hyvä fiilis mut fyysisesti oli kuin oisin haudasta heränny aamulla. Tänään on muuten syyskuun vika päivä. Mihin helvettiin aika taas menee?

Feel it in your heart

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - Wrong

It always seems to be the same

I'm hating every thing again

Your words get underneath my skin

These thoughts are tormenting my head

By now I thought I'd be stronger

By now I thought I'd be wiser

By now I thought I could be

Everything you wanted me to be

In too deep

If I could breathe in free me from the inside

I could hold on for one more day alive

If I could breathe in free me from the inside

I could hold on for one more day alive

I'm out of time and you're still wrong

My soul was there for the taking

You needed innocent blood

Lost between sleeping and waking

Nothing is ever enough

By now I thought I'd better

I thought I'd be farther

But now I'm questioning my every 'til I get there

You made me weak

If I could breathe in free me from the inside

I could hold on for one more day alive

If I could breathe in free me from the inside

I could hold on for one more day alive

I'm out of time and you're still wrong

The sun will rise again

If I get through the night

So I'll fight tonight

If I could breathe in free me from the inside

I could hold on for one more day alive

If I could breathe in free me from the inside

I could hold on for one more day alive

I'm out of time and you're still wrong

--

Sain loput tiskit tiskattua, mikä euforinen fiilis kun ei nyt tarvi pariin päivään niitä miettiä... Huomenna en tiedä mitä teen. Torstaina toivon mukaan terapia. Ens viikko onkin sitten aika kiireinen, kun tiistaina on luento, keskiviikkona fysioterapia ja torstaina terapia.

Room of angel

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - THE SIDE EFFECTS

One step forward

Two steps backwards

Saving culture

Killing art

You want borders, we just want a bridge

This is modern warfare, freedom in a ditch

Will you ever bother listening?

Made in the land of the rising sun

Decade in the rain, proving who we are

Still under fire for the things we love

Hey, just listen

We are the side effects

A product of love, a product of hate

We are the side effects

A product of heart, but make no mistake

No one asked for your love

No one asked for your hate

So we ask from the heart

Before it's too late, just let us be us

One step forward

Two steps backwards

Saving culture

Killing art

You want order, we just want to live

Endless civil warfare

Something's got to give

Can we start this over rational?

Made in the land of the rising sun

Decade in the rain, proving who we are

Still under fire for the things we love

Hey, just listen

We are the side effects

A product of love, a product of hate

We are the side effects

A product of heart, but make no mistake

No one asked for your love

No one asked for your hate

So we ask from the heart

Before it's too late, just let us be us

Made in the land of the rising sun

Decade in the rain, proving who we are

Still under fire for the things we love

But it's time you listen

We are the side effects

A product of love, a product of hate

We are the side effects

A product of heart, but make no mistake

No one asked for your love

No one asked for your hate

So we ask from the heart

Before it's too late, just let us be us

--

Olipa jotenkin tosi huono päivä. Ei lähteny käyntiin millään ja väsytti niin maan helvetisti, etten yksinkertasesti pystyny lähtemään ulos vaan lähinnä menin takas nukkumaan. Skypetettiin kuitenkin perheen kanssa tässä illalla ja se vähän piristi, ehkä huomenna ois vähän parempi fiilis. Pahoinvointia nyt ei viime päivinä oo oikein ollu, mut huomaan kyllä että tuo lääke väsyttää ja helvetti että mun jalat kutisee. Vähän jänskättää alkaa ihan näillä näppäimillä ottaa kokonainen annos kun oon nyt sen noin viikon ollu tolla puolikkalla annoksella, mut ehkä se menee ihan jees. Repäisin muuten ja ostin lipun (opiskelijahinnalla vain 14€!!) Oulun Sinfonian Lumiukko-esitykseen, jossa itse Lumiukko näytetään valkokankaalta elävän musiikin säestämänä. Se kuulostaa niin ihanalta ja mä rakastan Lumiukkoa niin paljon, se on kuulunut kirjaimellisesti aina mun jouluun.

Charlotte sometimes

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - FEED THE FIRE

Let's go

You think we're different?

You think we never feel the way you do?

We've got scars to prove we're too

Nothing but human

Fuelled by emotions that we thought we knew

But really had no clue

Pressure, it's not the end of the world

Think where you started from

To where you're standing now

Failure, it's not the end of the world

The best of us rise from the fall

This is the end, this is the end

You're not alone in this, my friend

This is the end, this is the end

Soak in your weakness

See if those colors feel right for you

The best of black and blue

Embrace the darkness

The light is there so don't give in to fear

You'll make it through

Pressure, it's not the end of the world

Think where you started from

To where you're standing now

Failure, it's not the end of the world

The best of us rise from the fall

This is the end, this is the end

You're not alone in this, my friend

This is the end, this is the end

This is the end, this is the end

You're not alone in this, my friend

This is the end, this is the end

Feed the fire, just feed the fire in you

(Feed the fire, feed the fire)

Feed the fire, just feed the fire in you

(Feed the fire, feed the fire)

Feed the fire, feed the fire

Burn away the fear

Let your heart take over

Feed the fire, feed the fire

Burn away the fear

Let your heart take over now

This is the end, this is the end

You're not alone in this, my friend

This is the end, this is the end

This is the end

This is the end, this is the end

You're not alone in this, my friend

This is the end, this is the end

This is the end

Ana's song (Open fire)

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - We're not alone

Sunlight was the only thing that felt right before I came here

But inside it feels like it keeps raining

And every drop is like the tears we couldn't cry

Because inside we were all alone

But this place gave us something, that somehow made us strong

If there's a place inside this world

Where hopes and dreams are not yet lost

We'll stand and fight against these walls

We'll fight this fight forevermore

Sometimes I feel this anger changing slowly into

A monster that keeps on creeping under

And I don't think that I can take anymore

I need you here like never before

But can you hear me call?

If there's a place inside this world

Where hopes and dreams are not yet lost

We'll stand and fight against these walls

We'll fight this fight forevermore

If there's a place inside this world

Where we must go back to once more

Until the day we find that place

We're not alone

When things go bad, when things go wrong

When on the verge of letting go

There's something that I really want you to know

When things go bad, when things go wrong

When on the verge of letting go

There's something that I really want you to know

You are not alone

No, you're not alone anymore

You are not alone, no, you're not alone anymore

If there's a place inside this world

Where hopes and dreams are not yet lost

We'll stand and fight against these walls

We'll fight this fight forevermore

If there's a place inside this world

Where we must go back to once more

Until the day we find that place

We're not alone

We're not alone

When things go bad, when things go wrong

When on the verge of letting go

There's something that I really want you to know

--

Oli surrealistista jutella melkein 4 tuntia puhelimessa, kun edellisestä juttukerrasta oli tosiaan vierähtänyt jo useampi vuosi. Jutustelu oli tosi kivaa ja tuntu ihan yhtä luonnolliselta kuin aina ennenkin, jotenkin siihen upposi tosi helposti (ja tätä ette multa usein kuule koska nykyään mä lähinnä keskustelen itseni kanssa päivät pitkät). Tuli todella hyvä mieli. Nukkumaanmeno tosin venähti enkä tiedä mitä tapahtu mut herätessä iski päälle (tai no, heräsin siihen) ihan vitunmoinen migreeni eikä muutenkaan ollu kovin hyvä olo, joten jätin tiskaamisen suosiolla huomiselle ja otin tän päivän vaan ihan rennosti.

A new day

 Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - MAYDAY

Take what you got and leave now

You're wearing out your welcome

No one here wants to see you, hear you

Think that you've won from day one

But soon the devil will come

You know just why he wants you, don't you?

Your crooked desire left us in disarray

Misguided, divided, at the point of no return

You started a fire, you're gonna watch it burn

Try to save yourself like you always do

Every bridge we build

You think it's yours to burn it down, just burn it down

When everything is gone

You'll wish you only heard us out, heard us out

Screaming mayday

Mayday

Act like you've only done good

Unfairly misunderstood

Play the victim, it's so you, what's new?

Lie after lie after lie

We all stopped counting the crimes

You know why we can't trust you, don't you?

Your crooked desire left us in disarray

Misguided, divided, at the point of no return

You started a fire, you're gonna watch it burn

Try to save yourself like you always do

Every bridge we build

You think it's yours to burn it down, just burn it down

When everything is gone

You'll wish you only heard us out, heard us out

Why don't you choke on yourself

Swallow the hate or just fucking go

You set yourself, the world on fire

Rising higher and higher

But there's nowhere to run

'Cause all of the bridges burned

All you are is a fucking monster

A walking disaster

You touch it, you break it, you kill it

Just like a cureless cancer

Every bridge we build

You think it's yours to burn it down

When everything is gone

You'll wish you only heard us out, heard us out

Every bridge we build

You think it's yours to burn it down, just burn it down

When everything is gone

You'll wish you only heard us out, heard us out

Screaming mayday

Mayday

Mayday

Mayday

The toughest kids

Song of the day;;

→ coldrain - GONE

The small simple lies poison everything

One by one killing all of the memories

Now it's time to put this heart out of its misery

'Cause I've been dying, dying for too long

The small simple lies poison everything

One by one killing all of the memories

You can take what you want and leave when you please

But just remember I'm not waiting for you

No I won't wait for you

(The ship has sailed and I'm over you)

I swear I gave you anything and everything

Every little piece of me

But all you did was look away

And when I said I've had enough, I'm moving on

You said your love was never lost

I guess you didn't realise

Until all of it was gone

Until all of it was gone

The pain and the fights never seemed to end

Every night wondering if we're even friends

Now it's time to put this love out of its misery

'Cause it's been dying, dying for too long

Dying for too long

(If you're in pain that's how you belong)

I swear I gave you anything and everything

Every little piece of me

But all you did was look away

And when I said I've had enough, I'm moving on

You said your love was never lost

I guess you didn't realise

Until all of it was gone

All of it was gone

All the years and the tears that I wasted on you

The regrets I will take to the grave

But I won't be missing you

Missing you

I swear I gave you anything and everything

Every little piece of me

But all you did was look away

And when I said I've had enough, I'm moving on

You said your love was never lost

I guess you didn't realise

Until all of it was gone

Dying for too long

(Until all of it was gone)

You said your love was never lost

I guess you didn't realise

Until all of it was gone