Siirry pääsisältöön

Is my imagination running away or is all this really happening to me?

So... I've got 9 days of school left altogether (I think so, I don't do maths), which is pretty damn awesome. Then it's all over. This comprehensive school, and then we're all off to wherever we're going - upper secondary school, vocational school... It's kind of funny, I've known some of the people in my class for years, and to think that I won't see most of them next year, or maybe in years, if ever again. I don't have many mates, just a few, so I won't really miss any people particularly. Maybe not the teachers at the school, but the place itself. I don't miss any people or teachers from my elementary school (I reckon I spent some of the worst moments in my life so far there), but I sometimes do miss the place. It's also weird to think that I had my last test in comprehensive school today. It's funny to think about how many tests we've done since the 1st grade.

Well. Now looking back, I reckon I have changed a lot. When I was younger, I couldn't keep my gob shut for more than two seconds, I s'pose, but now... I reckon I don't talk that much. I wouldn't say I'm quiet or shy or anything, I just don't feel like talking much. I like reading. When you read, the book sucks you into its world and you don't have to think about anything else. I also like writing and drawing for the same reasons. I don't know what other people think of me, and I really don't care, but I reckon I could describe myself with words such as anti-social and maybe isolated. I've done that myself, I do realise it, but I can't help but to say that people have done something more than that.

But I'm still me. No matter how much I have changed or how much I will change, I'll always be me. Deep down I'll always be that mouthy, fun-loving laid-back kid who just wants to have fun. Even now, when I'm where I reckon is a deep, dark bottom, I'm still that kid, inside. I can't change that, and I won't. Why should I change myself for someone else?

These days the most present feeling I have is loneliness. It doesn't matter where I am, with who I am, I feel lonely. I feel lonely in a crowded room, I feel lonely with my mate, everywhere. No matter how hard I try, I can't shake that feeling away. It's cruel, innit. To always feel out of place. To always feel you are not wanted, not accepted, no matter where you go. I'd like to get rid of these feelings, maybe all feelings in general. I don't understand them and I definitely don't know what to do with them.
Tunnisteet:

Kommentit

Lähetä kommentti

Tämän blogin suosituimmat tekstit

Falling on

  Song of the day;; → Sigríður - Interconnectivity -- En kamalasti jaksanu mitään tänään järjestellä koska kädet ja jalat on aivan vitun liian poikki eilisestä, mut laittelin vähän kenkiä vaatehuoneeseen sekä kirjoja, mangaa ja levyjä kirjahyllyyn. Laittelin myös vähän ledvaloja, kun tykkään iltaisin olla muuten pimiässä mut sillein että on muutama tommonen valoketju päällä. Eihän mulla mikään kiire ole, että pitäis kaiken olla heti tiptop-kunnossa. Huomenna fysioterapia heti aamusta ja sen jälkeen käyn kaupassa.
Lähetä kommentti
Lue lisää

Zombie

  Song of the day;; → TesseracT - Of Mind - Nocturne Climb You're dehydrated Fly Your wings are jaded Cry You're enervated Die For what you believe in Try You've nearly made it Why? You're the plague within my dreams Soaring through an atmosphere of an adequate lack of strength And we're responsible The truth is that it will end here Denial's an impairment of your fear Can we save us from ourselves? Can we save us from ourselves? (This is the saviour and its form) You can break through Wake me up Tell me it's gone False hope sells lies I won't buy We are still one Let's attempt escape Melancholia will feed We'll admit defeat The Vox Populi will cease The air is thickening We are drifting You're the plague within my dreams Soaring through an atmosphere of an adequate lack of strength And we're responsible (And we're responsible) The truth is that it will end here Denial's an impairment of your fear Can we save us from ourselves? Ca...
Lähetä kommentti
Lue lisää

Black x white

  Song of the day;; → Father John Misty - I'm Writing a Novel I ran down the road, pants down to my knees Screaming please come help me That Canadian shaman gave a little too much to me! And I'm writing a novel Because it's never been done before First house that I saw, I wrote house up on the door And told the people who lived there they had to get out 'Cause my reality is realer than yours And there's no time in the present And there's a black dog on the bed I went to the backyard to burn my only clothes And the dog ran out and said, you can't turn nothing Into nothingness with me no more Well, I'm no doctor, but that monkey might be right And if he is, I'll be walking him my whole life I rode to Malibu on a dune buggy with Neil He said, you're gonna have to drown me down on the beach If you ever want to write the real And I said, I'm sorry Young man, what was your name again? Now everywhere I go in West Hollywood Is filled with people pret...
Lähetä kommentti
Lue lisää