Jaws

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Crucify Me

Crucify me and nail my hands to a wooden cross

There is nothing above, there is nothing below

Heaven and Hell live in all of us

And I've been cast astray

I am an ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

Lost in the abyss, drowned in the deep

No set of lungs could salvage me

Only a shipwreck, only a ghost

Merely a graveyard of your former self

We just watched the waves crash over

And I've been cast astray

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

No one needs to know

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

No one needs to know

I am an ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

Lost in the abyss, drowned in the deep

No set of lungs could salvage me

Save yourself, save your breath

The tide's too strong, you'll catch your death

So breathe for me, just breathe

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

Oh, if we make it through the night, if we make it out alive

Lord, have mercy and pray for the dead

And you say that you can save me, don't hope to ever find me

And I fear I'm too far gone, pray for the dead

Oh, if we make it through the night, if we make it out alive

Lord, have mercy and pray for the dead

And you say that you can save me, don't hope to ever find me

And I fear I'm too far gone, pray for the dead

Pray for the dead, pray for the dead

Pray for the dead, yeah

Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your full undivided attention?

There's something you all really need to know

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

If we make it through the night, if we make it out alive

You said that you can save me, don't hope to ever find me

And I fear I'm too far gone, pray for the dead

Oh, if we make it through the night, if we make it out alive

Lord, have mercy and pray for the dead

And you say that you can save me, don't hope to ever find me

And I fear I'm too far gone, pray for the dead

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

Bastards

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - sTraNgeRs

Maybe I'll just be fucked up forever

Should have figured myself out by now

And I don't wanna tear myself open, no

But it's hard to care when you bleed out

So won't you break me down, break me down

Make me get better

I confess I'm a mess, some kind of error

Well, maybe I was destined to disappear

We're just a room full of strangers

Looking for something to save us

Alone together, we're dying to live and we're living to die

Dying to live, living to die

We're just a room full of strangers

Well, I guess my guardian angel missed the memo

'Cause we're walking on razors again

And we swore to God we'd never let this happen, no

We've dragged ourselves through hell and we'll be damned if we go back

Break me down, break me down

Make me get better

I confess that I'm a mess, some kind of error

Well, maybe I was destined to disappear

We're just a room full of strangers

Looking for something to save us

Alone together, we're dying to live and we're living to die

Dying to live, living to die

It never stops, can't erase this

So cross out my eyes, tear the pages

'Cause you and I we're just dying to live and we're living to die

Dying to live, living to die

It never stops, it don't

Where did we go?

We're all alone, all alone

No place like home

Take us back to yesterday

S.O.S

Save us from ourselves

We're just a room full of strangers

Looking for something to save us

Alone together, we're dying to live and we're living to die

Dying to live, living to die

It never stops, can't erase this

So cross out my eyes, tear the pages

'Cause you and I we're just dying to live and we're living to die

Dying to live, living to die

We're just a room, we're just a room

We're just a room full of strangers

Strangers

--

Fakta numero 30: Laittomin asia, minkä oon muistaakseni ja tietääkseni tehnyt, on se, kun varastin vahingossa avaimenperän kaupasta joskus ala-asteella (vai olikohan se yläasteella).

Ohms

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Can You Feel My Heart

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel, can you feel my heart?

(Can you feel my heart?)

Can you help the hopeless?

Well, I'm beggin' on my knees

Can you save my bastard soul?

Will you wait for me?

I'm sorry, brothers, so sorry, lover

Forgive me, father, I love you, mother

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel my heart?

Can you feel my heart?

(Can you feel my heart?)

(Can you feel my heart?)

I'm scared to get close and I hate bein' alone

I long for that feeling to not feel at all

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim

I'm scared to get close and I hate bein' alone

I long for that feeling to not feel at all

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim

I'm scared to get close and I hate bein' alone

I long for that feeling to not feel at all

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim

(Can you feel my heart?)

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel, can you feel my heart?

--

Hyvää toukokuuta kaikille (unohdin vaihtaa tuon teeman, mutta ällös huoliko, vaihtelen sen kohtapuoliin kuten tapanani on)! Porukat kävi tuossa tosiaan pyörähtämässä. Tulivat perjantai-iltapäivällä, käytiin sillon Ideaparkissa. Sitten tänään käytiin kirjastoon tutustumassa, syötiin jätskit ja piipahdettiin Pekurissa ennen ku porukat sitten lähti ajelemaan takas, sukulaisen hautajaiset onnistuneesti vältettynä. Mä ajattelin omistaa huomisen päivän pelaamiselle ja käyn lenkillä, nyt kun näkö on palautunu kokonaan normaaliksi. Fakta numero 27: mä kokeilin tupakkaa polttaa ensimmäisen kerran joskus ehkä 10-vuotiaana ja sen jälkeen oon sillein satunnaisesti välillä körssiksi pistänyt, mutta mitään tapaa siitä ei oo koskaan tullut.

Zombie

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Can You Feel My Heart

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel, can you feel my heart?

(Can you feel my heart?)

Can you help the hopeless?

Well, I'm beggin' on my knees

Can you save my bastard soul?

Will you wait for me?

I'm sorry, brothers, so sorry, lover

Forgive me, father, I love you, mother

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel my heart?

Can you feel my heart?

(Can you feel my heart?)

(Can you feel my heart?)

I'm scared to get close and I hate bein' alone

I long for that feeling to not feel at all

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim

I'm scared to get close and I hate bein' alone

I long for that feeling to not feel at all

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim

I'm scared to get close and I hate bein' alone

I long for that feeling to not feel at all

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim

(Can you feel my heart?)

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel, can you feel my heart?

--

Ah, legendaarinen BMTH. Edelleen kyllä sykkii kyseiselle bändille, tosin viime aikoina ei oo juuri tullut kuunneltua. Tänään oli terapia, jatkettiin menneisyyden ystävyyssuhteiden käsittelemistä (koska sitä niissä riittää). En muuten muistanu aiemmin mainita, mut tällä kertaa Runtilla kävi joku älynväläys ja se rupes menemään itse hissiin ylhäältä alas mennessä (aiemmin se on nimittäin pitäny kantaa sinne). Vielä alhaalta ylös tullessa se ei sitä oo hoksannu, mut ehkä seuraavalla kerralla sitten. Me ostetiin sille semmonen snack popper eli laitos, johon pistetään namuskeja sisälle ja sit sitä pitää edestakas ajeluttaa, jotta ne hyppää ulos sieltä. Runtti ei ihan vielä oo tajunnut sen toimintamekanismia, vaan se työntää kielen sinne ja yrittää sillä saaja ne namuskit sieltä ulos (ei onnistu). Sen pitää nyt kotona sitten harjotella pelaamaan sillä kunnolla.

Unleash the Hermod

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me the Horizon - Sleepwalking

My secrets are burning a hole through my heart

And my bones catch a fever

When it cuts you up this deep

It's hard to find a way to breathe

Your eyes are swallowing me

Mirrors start to whisper, shadows start to sing

My skin's smothering me

Help me find a way to breathe

Time stood still the way it did before

It's like I'm sleepwalking

Fell into another hole again

It's like I'm sleepwalking

I'm at the edge of the world

Where do I go from here, do I disappear?

Edge of the world

Should I sink or swim or simply disappear?

Your eyes are swallowing me

Mirrors start to whisper, shadows start to sing

My skin's smothering me

Help me find a way to breathe, sing it

Time stood still the way it did before

It's like I'm sleepwalking

Fell into another hole again

It's like I'm sleepwalking

Wake up

Take my hand and give me a reason to start again

Wake up

Pull me out and give me a reason to start again

Time stands still (Time stands still)

Time stands still (Time stands still)

Your eyes are swallowing me

Mirrors start to whisper, shadows start to sing

My skin is smothering me

Help me find a way to breathe

Time stood still the way it did before

It's like I'm sleepwalking

Fell into another hole again

It's like I'm sleepwalking (It's like I'm sleepwalking)

(It's like I'm sleepwalking)

(It's like I'm sleepwalking)

Time stood still the way it did before

It's like I'm sleepwalking

--

Huomenna tatuointi!!!

Nurture

 Song of the day;;

→ mgk & Bring Me The Horizon - maybe

That's hard

Two, three, five

Maybe if I had something to say

Butterfly effect from the last three days now

Maybe if I had something to save

I used to have a soul until I threw it away

There's shadows on the wall, wish I would've ran (Yeah)

Gotta get away, I hope you understand

I try to hide my face like a wanted man (Yeah)

Maybe I'll be gone before you count to ten

I made up my mind this evening

I'm taking the last, I'm taking the last

Drink while my conscience eats me

I'm taking thе last, I'm taking the last

I'm ready to let you go

I'm rеady to let you go

I'm ready to let you go

This time is the last, this time is the last

Maybe if we went another way (Another way)

I wouldn't be regretting the decisions that I made

I don't want to spend another day (Another day)

Looking for somebody that I know I can't replace

My tears fall, you don't miss me

Put me out my misery

Think my heart is history

I think I'm broke and nothing can fix me

I made up my mind this evening

I'm taking the last, I'm taking the last

Drink while my conscience eats me

I'm taking the last, I'm taking the last

I'm ready to let you go

I'm ready to let you go

I'm ready to let you go

This time is the last, this time is the last

Yeah (Maybe)

We were built to fall apart

But I can't feel you now

And it's too late now, there's no point screaming

Dug your grave, so fuck your feelings

No one's here, so now you're on your own

I made up my mind this evening

I'm taking the last, I'm taking the last

Drink while my conscience eats me

I'm taking the last, I'm taking the last

I'm ready to let you go

I'm ready to let you go

I'm ready to let you go

This time is the last, this time is the last

Airsuit

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - DiE4u

You know that I'd die for, I'd cry for

You know that I'd die for you

You know that I'd breathe for, I'd bleed for

You know that I'd breathe for you

Let me see my halo, even though it's painful

I'm prepared to lose

You know that I'd die for, I'd cry for

You know that I'd die for you

I keep holding my breath for a miracle

Hoping the hole in my heart would've healed somehow

Feeling so fucking close to the edge right now

You know you're everything I hate, wish I could escape

But you know I would die for you

You know that I'd die for, I'd cry for

You know that I'd die for you

You know that I'd breathe for, I'd bleed for

You know that I'd breathe for you

Let me see my halo, even though it's painful

I'm prepared to lose

You know that I'd die for, I'd cry for

You know that I'd die for you

'Cause I've died inside a thousand times

But still I'd kill myself for you

'Cause the truth of it, you could slit my wrists

And I'd write your name in a heart with the haemorrhage

Got me so fucking close to the edge right now

You know it's you I need to kick, you make me feel like shit

And I don't wanna die for you (Die for you)

You know that I'd die for, I'd cry for

You know that I'd die for you

You know that I'd breathe for, I'd bleed for

You know that I'd breathe for you

Let me see my halo, even though it's painful

I'm prepared to lose

You know that I'd die for, I'd cry for

You know that I'd die for you

This isn't love, this is a car crash

This isn't love, this is a bloodbath

This isn't love, this is a sentence

It's a bullet in the head (It's a bullet in the head)

This isn't love, this is a car crash

This isn't love, this is a bloodbath

This isn't love, this is a sentence

It's a bullet in the head

So pull the trigger

You know that I'd die for, I'd cry for

You know that I'd die for you (I'd die for you)

You know that I'd breathe for, I'd bleed for

You know that I'd breathe for you

Let me see my halo, even though it's painful

I'm prepared to lose

You know that I'd die for, I'd cry for

You know that I'd die for you

Fight like this

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon & Amy Lee - One Day The Only Butterflies Left Will Be In Your Chest As You March Towards Your Death

On the verge of no return, why'd you keep fucking it up?

Don't wanna have to bury you, but nothing seems to get through your skull

One day the only butterflies left will be in your chest

As you march towards your death, breathing your last breath

I hate to say I told you so but look how the bruises show

Tell me, how's it gonna feel without my arms wrapped around, wrapped around you?

Bet it feels pretty real when your skin starts to peel from the bone

You were dead to the world, now I'm dead to you

Haunting your own house, nothing to lose

How did I let you sink your fangs so deep? Ah

You know you can't breathe on your own

Past the point of rescuing, why'd I keep pushing my luck?

The hole I wore into your soul has got too big to overlook

One day the only butterflies left will be in our chests

As we march towards our death, breathing our last breath

I thought we had a future, but we ain't got a chance in hell

So tell me, how's it gonna feel without my arms wrapped around, wrapped around you?

Bet it feels pretty real when your skin starts to peel from the bone

You were dead to the world, now I'm dead to you

Haunting your own house, nothing to lose

I let you sink your fangs so deep, ah

You know you can't breathe on your own

You know I can't breathe on my own

How can you breathe on your own?

How can I breathe on my own?

Oh, oh-oh-oh, the sun is setting on our love, I fear

Letting our loneliness out into the atmosphere

The tide is turning on our chance to turn it 'round

I never thought I'd see my fingernails fall out

Love isn't in the air, love isn't in the air

Love isn't in the air, love isn't in the air

Now I'm alive

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon & Nova Twins - 1x1

Put me out of my misery

Disconnected from the world again

And no, the sun don't shine in the place I've been

So why you keep acting like I don't exist?

Yeah, feel like I'm ready to die, but I can't commit

So I ask myself, when will I learn?

I'd set myself on fire to feel the burn

I'm scared that I'm never gonna be repaired

Put me out of my misery, my mind

Feels like an archenemy, can't look me in the eyes

I don't know what hurts the most, holding on or letting go

Reliving my memories and they're killing me one by one

Sabotaged myself again

Got a brain like a hurricane

Me and that bitch, no, we can't be friends

And I don't even care, no

Got me sinking to a dark place (Outta love)

Evil twin under the staircase (Oh, my god)

Think I'm looking at a long night

I'm alone, I'm alone, I'm alone, I'm alone

Terrified (Terrified), I'm numb (But I'm numb)

Annihilation never looked so good, shut up

Hush your mouth, you talk too much

Put me out of my misery, my mind

Feels like an archenemy, can't look me in the eyes

I don't know what hurts the most, holding on or letting go

Reliving my memories and they're killing me one by one

And I'm staring into the void again, no one knows what a mess I'm in

The voices in my head say I'm just being paranoid

But it's bad for my health, how much I hate myself

I suffocate, the weight, it pulls me underneath

Put me out of my misery, my mind

Feels like an archenemy, can't look me in the eyes

I don't know what hurts the most, holding on or letting go

Reliving my memories and they're killing me one by one

Yeah, it's killing me one by one

And they're killing me one by one

Moving on

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon & BABYMETAL - Kingslayer

Hi, are you looking for the other side?

Feel like nothing ever seems quite right?

Are you circling the drainpipe, getting off on pain like

You're corrupted?

I need to know where your loyalties lie

Tell me, are you gonna bark or bite?

Do you really wanna twist a knife in the belly

Of the monster?

Get the fuck up, wake the fuck up

Wipe the system and back the fuck up

You're a puppet, when they cut your strings off

Don't comе crawling back

Kingslayer, destroying castles in thе sky

Kingslayer, forevermore the apple of my eye

I'd sacrifice my life to find you, angel of the blade

Kingslayer, come and collect us from the night

暗い、この見えない世界

まだ消えない未来

ただ手に入れたい another world

System failure

Life is encrypted, you are modified

Like a virus in a lullaby

Artificial till the day you die, silly programme

You're corrupted

Get the fuck up, wake the fuck up

Wipe the system and back the fuck up

You're a puppet, when they cut your strings off

Don't come crawling back, you're on your own

さあ時の扉を開けて行こうよ

Kingslayer, destroying castles in the sky

Kingslayer, I'll fight for you until I die

Kingslayer, destroying castles in the sky

Kingslayer, forevermore the apple of my eye

I'd sacrifice it all to guide you, never have to battle alone

Kingslayer, come and collect us from the night

This is your wake up call

We're going down the rabbit hole

Are you ready?

I can't feel you

Oh, yeah

Is this what you want?

This is what you'll fucking get

You motherfucking shit

--

Tää biisi aiheuttaa mulle joka kerta kylmiä väreitä. 

Ride with me

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Itch For The Cure (When Will We Be Free?)

I know why you're here, you're fed up of the fear

Sick of the fantasy world they've built, so you never see clear

Something is coming unplugged (Coming unplugged)

There's a glitch in your trust

You got an itch for the cure, but you're scared to walk out the door

I'm here to tell you there's a universe that lives without law

Something is coming unplugged (Unplugged)

'Cause you keep asking yourself

When will we be free?

When will we be free?

Whеn will we be free?

When will wе be free?

I wanna be a kingslayer (When will we be free?)

Something is coming unplugged (When will we be free?)

There's a glitch in your trust

I wanna be a kingslayer (When will we be free?)

Something is coming unplugged (When will we be free?)

There's a glitch in your trust

--

En oo nukkunu noin hyvin pitkään aikaan. Olin laittanu herätyksen kymmenelle, mutta en malttanu lopettaa nukkumista vielä vaan sammutin herätyksen ja painuin takas pehkuihin, heräten loppujen lopuksi kaheltatoista. Olin siis ennen nukkumaanmenoa ottanu särkylääkkeen ja voitte kuvitella kuinka yllättynyt olin aamulla kun eilisen tuskan jälkeen mun käteen ei juuri koskenu, eikä oo koko päivänä sattunu muuten ko vähän nostaessa. Toki se tuntuu jäykältä ja on toi kohta vielä vähän turvonnu, mut semmosta kunnon kipua ei enää ole. Lämpöä ei oo ollut ja olo on ollu paljon pirteempi ja parempi, ruokakin on maistunut jo vähän normaalimmin tänään. En tarvinnu särkylääkettä ollenkaan vaan sain siivottua oikein mainiosti. Luulenpa siis olevani aivan loistavassa matkustuskunnossa huomenna. Otan kuitenkin särkylääkkeet mukaan (ja tänään vielä ennen nukkumaanmenoa ihan varmuuden vuoksi sillä näköjään mulle tulee tollaisesta kivusta helposti huono olo). Nyt vielä tarvitsee tiskata, pakata osa tavaroista ja viedä muutamat roskat, jotta huomenna ei tarvi muuta ko laittaa itteni valmiiksi ja viedä viimeset roskat ja eikun junaan vaan. Onneksi sain varattua semmosen kahden hengen hytin, sillä jouduin ostamaan tommosia erilaisia maskeja jotka on sen verran tiukkia et korvien taakse alkaa sattua pidemmän päälle, ja vaikka junassa on maskipakko, niin nuissa hyteissä ei tarvi pitää. Ajattelin, että käyn Ärrältä ostamassa vesipullon ja jotain muuta juomista ja syömistä sitten ravintolavaunusta (vaikka se onkin saatanan kallista lystiä, mutta ei voi nyt mitään). Mulla on vaan aivan pieni tenkkapoo tässä, kun saan noita sensoreita hakia seuraavan kerran 16.8., enkä aatellu vielä sillon tulla pysyvästi tänne (toki olisinhan mää voinut jäädä nyt siksi aikaa, mutta mulla on niin paljon tavaroita kotona että ei kiitos), joten joudun varmaan kikkailemaan hommelit niin, että käyn ne vaan sitten hakemassa ja meen takas kotia vielä. En osaa tarkalleen sanoa millon luennot alkaa, oisko aikasintaan 7.9.? Pitää laittaa sähköpostia omaopettajalle noista päällekkäin menemisistä. Toisaalta kaks kurssia pelkästään houkuttelis, sais ainakin kunnolla tehtyä... Haluamaani sivuaineeseen on haku, joka alkaa tietääkseni loppusyksystä (olen edelleen katkera siitä, etten ollut tietoinen tästä viime vuonna enkä päässyt siihen). Tarviin semmoset rapiat 70op että tulee täyteen tarvittava määrä. Kandin väkerrys on edessä ja en tiedä mistä taas kiikastaa, sillä harkitsen erittäin vakavasti, etten jatka ainakaan näitä opintoja kandin paperit saatuani. Tästä alkaa tulla aivan saatanan liian pitkä selitys, joten katsotaan joku päivä jos jaksaisin kirjotella ihan erillisen postauksen kun kerta asiaa tuntuu olevan. Muistakaa pysyä turvassa ja terveinä, kun alkaa nää tartuntamäärät olla sitä luokkaa että ei tule kohta lasta eikä paskaa.

Desperate

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Dear Diary,

Dear diary, I don't know what's going on, but something's up

The dog won't stop barking and I think my TV is bust

Every channel is the same, it's sending me insane

And earlier somebody bit me, what a fucking day

The sky is falling, it's fucking boring

I'm going braindead, isolated

God is a shithead and we're his rejects

Traumatised for breakfast, I can't stomach any more Survival Horror

Dear diary, I feel itchy like there's bugs under my skin

The dog's gone rabid (Shut the fuck up), doing my head in

I keep fading in and out, I don't know where I've been

I feel so hungry, what the hell is happening?

The sky is falling, it's fucking boring

I'm going braindead, isolatеd

God is a shithead and we're his rеjects

Traumatised for breakfast, I can't stomach any more Survival Horror

Dear diary, dog stopped barking, probably 'cause I ate his face

Tasty, itchy, TV say there's no more human race

Kinda sad my whole entire existence been a waste

Ah, nevermind, it's not the end of the world, oh, wait

Fly, hahaha, oh

Lie, oh

--

Hyvää elokuuta kaikille! Huomenna kello yheksän reikä reikä ois meikämarjastaja menossa tokalle koronapiikille. Olipa kiva yrittää suunnitella syksyn kursseja kun vähän kaikki näyttää menevän päällekkäin... pitää varmaan raittaa sähköpostia jollekin omaopettajalle yms ja olla sillein nyt on häikkää jossain.

Sick of it

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Teardrops

Teardrops

We hurt ourselves for fun

Force-feed our fear until our hearts go numb

Addicted to a lonely kind of love

What I wanna know

Is how we get this stressed out, paranoid

Everything is going dark

Nothing makes me sadder than my head

I'm running outta teardrops, let it hurt till it stops

I can't keep my grip, I'm slipping away from me

Oh, god, everything is so fucked, but I can't feel a thing

The emptiness is heavier than you think

I'm tripping on the edge

High as a kite, I'm never coming down

And if you hear me, guess you know how it feels

To be alone

So how'd we get this stressed out, paranoid?

Everything is going dark

Nothing makes me sadder than my head

I'm running outta teardrops, let it hurt till it stops

I can't keep my grip, I'm slipping away from me

Oh, god, everything is so fucked, but I can't feel a thing

The emptiness is heavier than you think

Suicidal, violent, tragic state of mind

Lost my halo, now I'm my own anti-christ

Suicidal, violent, tragic state of mind

Lost my halo, now I'm my own anti-christ

I'm running outta teardrops, let it hurt till it stops

I can't keep my grip, I'm slipping away from me

Oh, god, everything is so fucked, but I can't feel a thing

The emptiness is heavier than you think

I'm running outta teardrops, let it hurt till it stops

I can't keep my grip, I'm slipping away from me

Oh, god, everything is so fucked, but I can't feel a thing

The emptiness is heavier than you think

Teardrops

Teardrops

I'm running outta teardrops

The emptiness is heavier than you think

--

Tekis mieli kirjotella vähän jotain pidempää postausta, mutta viime aikoina ei oo oikein ollut energiaa tai halua tehdä juuri mitään. Inhottaa kun ei löydy minkäänlaista kiinnostusta niitä asioita kohtaan, joita on ennen rakastanu tehdä. Ahistaa ja ällöttää. En tiiä haluaisinko mieluummin viiltää ranteet auki vai kuihtua olemattomiin. Pelottaa syksy ja opintojen jatkuminen. Eniten ehkä kuitenkin pelottaa etten yksinkertaisesti jaksa enää.

Graveyard of empires

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Blessed With A Curse

Ever since this began, I was blessed with a curse

And for better or for worse, I was born into a hearse

I know I said my heart beats for you, I was lyin', girl, it beats for two

'Cause I've got your love when I've got these vices

Take back every word I've said, ever said to you

Take back every word I've said, ever said to you

Ever since this began, I was blessed with a curse

And for better or for worse, I was born into a hearse

I know I said my heart beats for you

I was lyin', girl, I've been lyin' to you

Everything I touch turns to stone, turns to stone

So wrap your arms 'round me and leave me on my own

Everything I touch turns to stone, turns to stone

So wrap your arms 'round me and leave me on my own

Take back every word I've said, ever said to you

Take back every word I've said, ever said to you

Take back every word I've said, ever said to you

Take back every word I've said

Because everything I touch turns to stone, turns to stone

So wrap your arms around me and leave me, I can't hold on

Take back every word I've said, ever said to you

Take back every word I've said, every word I've said

Take back every word I've said, ever said to you

Take back every word I've said, ever said to you

Take back every thing I've said, ever said to you

Take back every thing I've said, ever said to you

--

Iso-Syötteellä ollaan, eli ei Lapissa enää. Nyt täällä oleskellaan keskiviikkoon asti ja sitten suunnataan takas kotia.

Crawl inside

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Home Sweet Hole

Cross my heart, I don't wanna die

But heaven knows it seems like I try

Lost in a labyrinth for weeks on end

I live and I learn from my mistakes, then I forget them again

Got a feelin' in my stomach and it just won't quit

It's subtle as a shotgun and heavy as a brick

'Cause I'm staring at the devil and the truth of it is

He's a lot more familiar than I'd care to admit

If only I could focus, maybe if I could see

If I didn't know any better, I would say he looks just like me

The roof is crashin' down, the walls are cavin' in

We discover all your stories are just works of fiction

The roof is crashin' down, the truth is spillin' out

Oh shit, I've done it again

I'm in way too far in over my head

(No) Crossed the line (No) So many times

That I don't even know what it stands for

Oh shit, I've done it again

I'm in way too far in over my head

(No) Crossed the line (No) So many times

That I don't even know what it stands for

Home sweet hole, just be careful what you wish for

Home sweet hole, just be careful what you say

Home sweet hole, just be careful what you wish for

Home sweet hole and just be careful what you say

Got a feelin' in my stomach and it just won't quit

It's subtle as a shotgun and heavy as a brick

Bite your tongue, just bite your tongue

You've already said quite enough

The roof is crashin' down, the walls are cavin' in

We discover all your stories are just works of fiction

The roof is crashin' down, the truth is spillin' out

Oh shit, I've done it again

I'm in way too far in over my head

(No) Crossed the line (No) So many times

That I don't even know what it stands for, yeah

Oh shit, I've done it again

I'm in way too far in over my head

(No) Crossed the line (No) So many times

That I don't even know what it stands for

(You wear your lies like a noose around your neck)

(So kick the chair and let's be done with it)

(You wear your lies like a noose around your neck)

(So kick the chair, so kick the chair)

You wear your lies like a noose around your neck

So kick the chair and let's be done with it

You wear your lies like a noose around your neck

So kick the chair, so kick the chair

Home sweet hole, just be careful what you wish for

Home sweet hole, just be careful what you say

Home sweet hole, just be careful what you wish for

Home sweet hole, just be careful what you say

Lonely day

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Alligator Blood

Let's play a game of Russian Roulette

I'll load the gun, you place the bets

Tell me who will make it out alive

Let's play a game of Russian Roulette

I'll load the gun, you place the bets

Tell me who will make it out alive

Over and over and over again, we play the same old games

Cards kept close to our chest that way the secret's kept

So wear your poker face, here's to the fool, here's to the thief

Fiction is bitter and you got a taste

My alligator blood is starting to show

I know that you know that, I know that you know

Can't call a bluff with a dead man's hand

My alligator blood is starting to show

I know that you know that, I know that you know

Can't call a bluff with a dead man's hand

Cut me up and wear my skin, show me how to live

Tear me down, clean me up now spill my fucking guts

Just help me find a way, just help me find a way

Just help me find a way, just help me find a way

My alligator blood is starting to show

I know that you know that, I know that you know

Can't call a bluff with a dead man's hand

My alligator blood is starting to show

I know that you know that, I know that you know

Can't call a bluff with a dead man's hand

Put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brains

Put a gun to my head and paint the walls

Put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brains

Put a gun to my head and paint the walls

Now you know

Now you know

Now you know

Now you know you can go, you can give up trying

Should've just called it quits, should've just called it quits

Leave before it's too late

Now you know you can go, you can give up trying

Should've just called it quits, should've just called it quits

Leave before it's too late

Let's play a game of Russian Roulette

I'll load the gun, you place the bets

Tell me who will make it out alive

Let's play a game of Russian Roulette

I'll load the gun, you place the bets

Tell me who will make it out alive, alright

Yeah, yeah

So put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my fucking brain, oh

Put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brains

Put a gun to my head and paint the fucking walls

S.O.S.

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - It Never Ends

Started off as a one night stand, lingered to a fling

The sirens and the sergeants didn't seem to mean a thing

Hide your fangs all you want, you still need the blood

Tell us that it's different now, you're up to no good

Take my hand, show me the way

We are the children that fell from grace

Take my hand, show me the way

We are the children who can't be saved

One more nail in the coffin, one more foot in the grave

One more time I'm on my knees as I try to walk away

How has it come to this?

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it 1000 fuckin' times

That I'm okay, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind

But this has got the best of me and I can't seem to sleep

And it's not 'cause you're not with me, it's 'cause you never leave

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it 1000 fuckin' times

You say this is suicide?

You say this is suicide? I say this is a war

And I'm losing the battle, man down, man down, oh

Is this what you call love?

This is a war I can't win

One more nail in the coffin, one more foot in the grave

One more time I'm on my knees as I try to walk away

Everything I loved became everything I lost

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it 1000 fuckin' times

That I'm okay, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind

But this has got the best of me and I can't seem to sleep

And it's not 'cause you're not with me, it's 'cause you never leave

And it's not 'cause you're not here with me, it's 'cause you never leave

Every second, every minute, every hour, every day

It never ends, it never ends

Every second, every minute, every hour, every day

It never ends, it never ends

Every second, every minute, every hour, every day

It never ends, it never ends

Every second, every minute, every hour, every day

It never ends, it never ends

--

Tänään ja huomenna onkin jännät päivät. Mun juna Kemijärvelle lähtee ihanasti aamuyöstä kello 4:50 joten en mee nukkumaan ollenkaan vaan nukuin muutaman tunnin tuossa päivällä. Siinä jossain yheksän maissa olen sit Kemijärvellä, käyn jossain aamupalalla ja ootan porukoita. Kun ne pääsee sinne, lähdetään Sallaan! Joko mää en osannut katsoa oikein tai sitten busseja vaan ei mee täältä rautatieasemalle siinä neljän maissa, joten porukoiden pyynnöstä tilasin taksin, joka lähtee täältä joskus vartin yli 4 ja on joskus puolen maissa rautatieasemalla. 

Lullaby

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Crucify Me

Crucify me and nail my hands to a wooden cross

There is nothing above, there is nothing below

Heaven and Hell live in all of us

And I've been cast astray

I am an ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

Lost in the abyss, drowned in the deep

No set of lungs could salvage me

Only a shipwreck, only a ghost

Merely a graveyard of your former self

We just watched the waves crash over

And I've been cast astray

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

No one needs to know

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

No one needs to know

I am an ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

Lost in the abyss, drowned in the deep

No set of lungs could salvage me

Save yourself, save your breath

The tide's too strong, you'll catch your death

So breathe for me

Just breathe

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

There is a Hell

Believe me, I've seen it

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

There is a Hell

Believe me, I've seen it

Oh, if we make it through the night, if we make it out alive

Lord, have mercy and pray for the dead

And you say that you can save me, don't hope to ever find me

And I fear I'm too far gone, pray for the dead

Oh, if we make it through the night, if we make it out alive

Lord, have mercy and pray for the dead

And you say that you can save me, don't hope to ever find me

And I fear I'm too far gone, pray for the dead

Pray for the dead, pray for the dead

Pray for the dead, yeah

Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your full undivided attention?

There's something you all really need to know

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

There is a Hell

Believe me, I've seen it

There is a Hell, believe me, I've seen it

There is a Heaven, let's keep it a secret

There is a Hell

Believe me, I've seen it

If we make it through the night, if we make it out alive

You said that you can save me, don't hope to ever find me

And I fear I'm too far gone, pray for the dead

Oh, if we make it through the night, if we make it out alive

Lord, have mercy and pray for the dead

And you say that you can save me, don't hope to ever find me

And I fear I'm too far gone, pray for the dead

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

I am the ocean, I am the sea

There is a world inside of me

Can't forget you

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon & YUNGBLUD - Obey

Another day another post-traumatic order

Brainwashed and feeling fine

I bit off more than I could chew when I looked closer

So I stabbed a fork in my eye

Think I'm losing my fucking mind

Don't know where to turn, now I'm blind

Destroy yourself it feels so good to fade away

Why d'you want to hurt yourself?

Die for something else?

Don't let your conscience get in the way

Obey

We hope you have a lovely day

Obey

You don't want us to come out and play

Away, now now

There's nothing to see here

It's under control

We're only gambling with your soul

Obey

Whatever you do, just don't wake up and smell the corruption

(Do you feel that? Yeah)

Another day another systematic nightmare

Commemorate a wonderful life

Bite me first I'll bite you back

Melodramatic laughter

I stabbed a knife in my eye

Think I'm out my fucking mind

Brainwashed and I'm feeling fine

Destroy yourself it feels too good to fade away

Why do I want to hurt myself?

Should I die for something else?

I let my conscience get in the way

Obey

We hope you have a lovely day

Obey

You don't want us to come out and play

Away, now now

There's nothing to see here

It's under control

We're only gambling with your soul

Obey

Whatever you do, just don't wake up and smell the corruption

When you feed them it's lethal

Tell me how you're going to hurt yourself

You call yourselves peaceful

You monsters are people

You fucking monsters are people

Obey

We're gonna show you how to behave

Obey

It's nicer when you can't see the chains

Obey

We hope you have a lovely day

Obey

You don't want us to come out and play

Away, now now

There's nothing to see here

It's under control (It's under control)

We're only gambling with your soul (With your soul)

Obey

Whatever you do, just don't wake up and smell the corruption

Smell the corruption

Smell the corruption

--

Tässä sitten vielä tuoreempaa BMTH:ta. Oikein kiva biisi! Meillä oli tänään se Self Hack-juttu, mutta koska mä heräsin aivan jäätävään migreeniin, niin laitoin hätäpäissäni sit vaan viestiä niille ihmisille sinne päähän että 'sos en voi osallistua'. Onneks se hoitu ihan vaan sillein eikä siitä ollu mitään seuraamuksia. Huomenna pitää pestä pyykkiä ja imuroida ja semmosta. Sain sovittua maanantaiksi tapaamisen meidän omaopettajan kanssa, jolloin käydään sit paremmin niitä hyväksilukuja yms. läpi.

Come undone

 Song of the day;;

→ Bring Me The Horizon - Parasite Eve

I've got a fever, don't breathe on me

I'm a believer in nobody

Won't let me leave 'cause I've seen something

Hope I don't sneeze, I don't

Really we just need to fear something

Only pretending to feel something

I know you're dying to run

I wanna turn you around

Please remain calm

The end has arrived

We cannot save you

Enjoy the ride

This is the moment

You've been waiting for

Don't call it a warning

This is a war

It's the Parasite Eve

Got a feeling in your stomach 'cause you know that it's coming for ya

Leave your flowers and grieve

Don't forget what they told ya

When we forget the infection

Will we remember the lesson?

If the suspense doesn't kill you

Something else will

Move

I heard they need better signal

Put chip and pins in the needles

Quarantine all of those secrets

In that black hole you call a brain before it's too late

Really we just wanna scream something

Only pretend to believe something

I know you're baying for blood

I wanna turn you around (Hey)

Please remain calm (Hey)

The end has arrived (Hey)

We cannot save you (Hey)

Enjoy the ride (Hey)

This is the moment (Hey)

You've been waiting for (Hey)

Don't call it a warning

This is a war

It's the Parasite Eve

Got a feeling in your stomach 'cause you know that it's coming for ya

Leave your flowers and grieve

Don't forget what they told ya

When we forget the infection

Will we remember the lesson?

If the suspense doesn't kill you

Something else will

It's the Parasite Eve (It's the Parasite Eve)

Got a feeling in your stomach 'cause you know that it's coming for ya

Leave your flowers and grieve

Don't forget what they told ya

When we forget the infection

Will we remember the lesson?

If the suspense doesn't kill you

Something else will

You can board up your windows

You can lock up your doors, yeah

But you can't keep washing your hands

Of this shit anymore

When all the king's sources and all the king's friends

Don't know their arses from their pathogens

When life is a prison and death is the door

This ain't a warning

This is a war, war

This is a war

It's the Parasite Eve

Got a feeling in your stomach 'cause you know that it's coming for ya

Leave your flowers and grieve

Don't forget what they told ya

When we forget the infection

Will we remember the lesson?

If the suspense doesn't kill you

Something else will

It's the Parasite Eve (It's the Parasite Eve)

It's the Parasite Eve

It's the Parasite Eve (Parasite Eve)

We cannot save you

We cannot save you

We cannot save you

We cannot save you

We cannot save you

--

Huhhuh, tämä semi-uusi (no onhan tää nyt jo sen pari kuukautta vanha) BMTH kuulostaa taas ihan sika hyvältä. Tykkään tästä biisistä tosi paljon. Tänään meillä oli kampuskierros ja ai helevetti että on sokkeloisen olonen paikka! Paljon sekavampi ku mitä Joensuussa UEF on, ainakin mun silmään. Eksyn varmaan kun meen tonne ekaa kertaa sitten joskus yksin harhailemaan, haha. Mulla oli myös HOPS-keskustelu, jossa selvisi, että koska mulla on 62 op:n edestä niitä opintoja, niin periaatteessa mun pitäisi saada näistä opinnoista yks vuosi pois kokonaan, mikä tarkottais sitä, että mun ois mahdollista valmistua neljässä vuodessa maisteriksi. Otin meidän omaopettajaan yhteyttä ja kysyin tapaamisaikaa, koska en ymmärtäny yhtään, miten toi hyväksilukuhommeli toimii ja se, miten noita kursseja, joita ei hyväksilueta vaan siirretään tonne tutkintoon, toimii. Vaikka nää kaks päivää tässä on ollu tosi mukavia, ne on silti ollu tosi uuvuttavia, koska koko ajan pitää olla jossain ja ihmisten kanssa, niin iltaisin mä olen tosi uupunut ja kehoon sattuu... Onneks huomenna ei tarvi lähtiä mihinkään, meillä on joku Self-Hack juttu, johon ilmoittauduin etänä joten voin olla ihan rauhassa kämpillä huomisen. Tosin mun pitää käydä kaupassa, mut sen nyt kerkiää hoitaa illemmallakin. Sit ois tarkotus skypetellä porukoitten kanssa illalla myös. En muista tähän hätään että olenko muistanu mainita, mutta mulla onkin näköjään syysloma lokakuun lopussa, joten mietin, että pitäisköhän mun silloin käydä kotona. Porukat tulee tässä syksyllä joskus käymään täällä kun mä tarvitsen lisää noita huonekaluja, ja systerillä oli tarkotus myös omalla syyslomallaan tulla tänne käymään (ja sitä ennen mä tarvitsen vuodesohvan). Koska täältä nyt kuitenkin on se 4h matka kotiin, niin mietin, etten ite kehtaa viikonlopuksi vaan mennä, mut nyt kun mulla kerta on tommonen pidempi loma, niin vois olla kiva käydä kotona, kun aattelin et haluaisin kuitenkin ennen joulua edes kerran käydä. Mun pitäis varmaan tehdä jo sellainen kunnon postaus, kun nää tuppaa aina venähtämään tosi pitkiksi nää mun selostukset. Ai niin! Täällä yliopistolla on savo-karjalaisille opiskelijoille oma yhdistys (kai se on yhdistys?), ja mietin vähän että josko liittyisin, kun kuitenkin olen savolainen ja onhan mussa karjalaistakin verta ihan jonkin verran.