BLOOD RED ROSES.

So, this is it. My summer holiday began today which means that primary school is over for me. I've got 2 and a half months to spend like I want and then, in August, I'm off to upper secondary school ( high school , you twats). I really don't want to go. If I would've been smart, I would've applied to a school in another town/city but no. Maybe I'm that much of a masochist that I just want to torture myself by going to school here. How the hell am I s'posed to make it out alive there when I don't 'ave anyone left who'd care (not that they normally would, I find it kind of bizarre 'ow people seem to expect me to care but then they can toss me around anyway they like)? Maybe I 'ave too much time in my hands now. I reckon it's not good for me to be left alone with my thoughts for too long, but what can I do. I 'ave to put this act up because every time someone who I cared for left my confidence crumpled and I started wondering wh

Today I want to tell you something and I'm not naming any names because I know what I'm about to say would upset and hurt them, but if you do recognise yourself then congratulations. So, I have this mate who gets upset easily and I reckon they need constant asking of 'are you okay' just so that they can say no. I have no ability to feel sympathy or empathy for that matter, not anymore, which is why I find myself struggling with words because I feel they're always over exaggerating their issues. Why am I telling you this? Well, they have said that I can talk to them and stuff, and shouldn't mates ask each other 'are you okay' every once in a while? They never do. And I can't talk to them when I feel bad, upset or something, because I doubt they would listen or care. I tried that once, but they went on about their own issues and I have to say that is extremely hurtful for me. I can't say anything to them because they get upset so goddamn e

So... I've got 9 days of school left altogether (I think so, I don't do maths), which is pretty damn awesome. Then it's all over. This comprehensive school, and then we're all off to wherever we're going - upper secondary school, vocational school... It's kind of funny, I've known some of the people in my class for years, and to think that I won't see most of them next year, or maybe in years, if ever again. I don't have many mates, just a few, so I won't really miss any people particularly. Maybe not the teachers at the school, but the place itself. I don't miss any people or teachers from my elementary school (I reckon I spent some of the worst moments in my life so far there), but I sometimes do miss the place. It's also weird to think that I had my last test in comprehensive school today. It's funny to think about how many tests we've done since the 1st grade. Well. Now looking back, I reckon I have changed a lot. When I