Into a Dark Dawn.

  Song of the day;; → Oiseaux-Tempête - Buy Gold (Beat Song) -- Siis jos tämä viikko ei ole tähän mennessä ollut vielä tarpeeks säätämisentäyteinen, niin nyt alkaa jo olla ihan riittämiin. Herätessä tänä aamuna huomasin, että mulle oli tullu pankilta viesti, että mun kortti on suljettu. Eka ajatus luonnollisesti oli, että mitäs helvetin huijausviesti se tämä on. Menin sovellukseen ja katos perskelettä, onhan se lukittu. No eikun soittoa korttipalveluun vetämään, huomasin myös tilitapahtumia tutkiskellessa, että multa oli maanantaina lähteny tililtä kolme kertaa 87€ johonkin e-ticket.com-sivustolle, enkä todellakaan oo itse näitä ostoja tehnyt. Pankista mulle sitten sanottiin, että mun tunnuksilla/kortilla (en nyt muista enää kummalla) oli yritetty tunnistautua Amerikassa johonkin, jonka takia se oli suljettu. Uusi kortti lähetetään viikon sisällä (onneks mulla on kuitenkin toinenkin kortti että pystyn käymään kaupassa yms.). Nää tuntemattomat tilitapahtumat taas oli menny verkkopankkit

  Song of the day;; → Blue Stahli - Demon I said, Lord, Lord, Lord, it's a long dark road And my tongue's a sword when speaking gold In my deep down soul, I am flies and blood And it's black as coal in this heart of mud And they say, you got a demon And I'm home sweet home like a herd of swine And the seeds I've sown, well they're mine, all mine They're down so low, in floorboard rest There's a great big hole straight through my chest And they say, you got a demon You got a demon, you got a demon Hey-ey-yeah He-e-ey-yeah Hey-ey-yeah He-e-ey-yeah -- Fysioterapeutti olikin ikävästi sairastunut uudelleen, joten peruttiin myös tän päivän aika. Mä oon yrittänyt nyt kummallakin kerralla samaa asua käyttää (siis... laittanut sen valmiiksi, yanno), joten ehkä universumi ei nyt vaan halua, että mä laitan sen asun päälle. Kusipää. Eniveis, kävin kaupassa, muistin ostaa kaikkea mitä piti ja huomiseksi oon varannut pyykkivuoron, joten aattelin sitten sillä aikaa, ku

  Song of the day;; → Thomas Bergersen & Two Steps from Hell - Heart of Courage -- Kävin tänään tutustumassa siihen vertaisryhmän vetäjään, hän vaikutti kyllä oikein mukavalta ja kyllä musta tuntuu, että mun kannattaa nyt poistua omalta mukavuusalueeltani, ja altistaa itteäni jollekin erilaiselle. Oli pakko kotiin tultua nukkua pienet päikkärit, kun yöunia oli alla ruhtinaalliset 2h. Huomenna on fysioterapia kello 11 ja sen jälkeen pitää käydä kaupassa.

  Song of the day;; → White Lies - Never Alone I really tried to be good But goodness, won't come easy to me You're too good in your own ways In others, you're evil like me When they call my name, I'm the first to smile I put a few feet wrong on the moral pile When I break the rank, I'm the first to gloat And its a nice trip down In the eye of the rope In the eye of the rope I put a coin in a cold hand Still I seem to hurt everyone Now, I'm the dud, I'm the short strand I'm the burning wink in the line of a shotgun You in your tall lighthouse with that broken light I'm gonna suffer on your rocks if it takes all night You're the one clean soul in the back of a church Go on, avert your eyes This is going to hurt This is going to hurt I went bare-foot out into dirty snow Saw the fires at the black with a sinful glow There's an angry mob all downing pixel fuel Taking blood with a lash from the skin of a fool You can blame it on the web, on the su

  Song of the day;; → The Field Mice - Tilting At Windmills -- Tää päivä (sanon päivä koska kello oli jonkin verran yli 12 kun heräsin) alko ihan helvetinmoisella säätämisellä. Ensin sain selville miks ei oo kuulunu sitä viestiä niistä hoitotarvikkeista; se on jostain helvetin syystä menny mun äitille. Äiti oli ymmärrettävästi poistanut sen ekan viestin, jossa se hakukoodi oli, kun luuli sitä huijausyritykseks. Valitettavasti soittoaika tonne saatanan laitokseen on 9-11, joten pitää huomenna soittaa sinne ja kysyä että anteeksi mutta mitäs vittua. Mitä lie sekoilleet siellä, kyllä ne viestit ennen on ihan mulle itelle tullu. Sitten otin Postiin yhteyttä, kun mun (EU:n ulkopuolelta) saapuva paketti on tullu Suomeen jo viime torstaina, mut en oo pystynyt maksamaan siitä tulleja joten se on vaan seissy paikoillaan. Ilmeisesti siinä oli joku virhe, jonka se työntekijä pyysi niiden IT-osastoa korjaamaan, ja mun pitäis pystyä se parin päivän päästä tullaamaan. Elämä on vittujen elämä jne. To

  Song of the day;; → In Flames - Paralyzed Vultures descend Feeding on us There's no sympathy Breeding the hate Turn away, run away from All the things we have to do And it tears away our hearts and our soul It's like we're on our own To figure out, cast out Paralyzed, rewind, there's no time And the wasteland, it's an indication We're only taking turns Passing around the world It's how it's always been Out of excuses Will we understand? That we are on our own To figure out, cast out Paralyzed, this time We have found the wasteland Out of excuses Will we understand? It's like we're on our own To figure out, cast out Paralyzed, this time We have found the wasteland The wasteland, yeah -- Fysioterapia peruuntuikin tältä päivältä, kun fysioterapeutti oli sairastunut. Harmi, mutta ei voi mitään. Ei kuulu vielä viestiä hoitotarvikkeista.

  Song of the day;; → The Alan Parsons Project - Sirius -- Olin tänään tavanomaista aktiivisempi. Pelailin, tiskasin, katoin Shrekin ja järjestelin huulirasvat. Kynnetkin lakkasin (no sen mä kyllä teen joka sunnuntai muutenkin). Huomenna on fysioterapia, onneks vasta vartin yli kaks joten saa nukkua pidempään.

  Song of the day;; → Black Books - The Big Idea Hey, nice to meet you Did I get your name? I recognised it spelled out in the clouds And I remember it every time that it rains So cheers for the good times and cheers for making a name Clear cool lines in infinite patterns Fluorescent lit cities of humming bulbs I gave you a buck and you made it a million But when you look right at it it's not even there You can have anything that you want Big blue eyes staring at it all Take it from me, no one said it was easy Tell you right now I never meant to do you wrong If you're not sunburned You're not having fun And this is a joke and we laugh and now we're going home For the first time in our lives you were happy So we turned our backs on it all and left it alone You can have anything that you want Big blue eyes staring at it all Take it from me no one said it was easy One more time now with feeling You can have anything that you want -- Tän päivän säätä vois taas kuvailla täll

  Song of the day;; → Verka Serduchka - Dancing Lasha Tumbai Hello everybody My name is Verka Serduchka Me English nicht verstehen Let's speak dance Sieben, sieben Ai lyu lyu Sieben, sieben Eins, zwei Sieben, sieben Ai lyu lyu Eins, zwei, drei Sieben, sieben Ai lyu lyu Sieben, sieben Eins, zwei Sieben, sieben Ai lyu lyu Eins, zwei, drei Tanzen Weiter, weiter Ich liebe Sieben, sieben Ai lyu lyu Sieben, sieben Eins, zwei Sieben, Sieben Ai lyu lyu Eins, zwei, drei Sieben, sieben Ai lyu lyu Sieben, sieben Eins, zwei Sieben, sieben Ai lyu lyu Nu eins, zwei, drei Tanzen I want to see, ah To dance or not to dance I want to see, ah It's not a question I want to see, ah Don't live to dance I want to see, ah Dance to live I love you I want to see Lasha tumbai I want to see Lasha tumbai I want to see Lasha tumbai I want to see Tanzen Танцевать хорошо Ukraine dancing I want to see, ah To dance or not to dance I want to see, ah It's not a question I want to see, ah Don't live to

  Song of the day;; → Demon Hunter - The Last One Alive Did anyone survive? I swear I heard your voice beyond this side Does anyone still try? Does anyone still hope to set their eyes beyond this place? Where angels fall and darkness reigns Where time dissolves the brightest flame Ever the same Whether I'm the last one alive Or ascend before my time Better I'm the last one alive Than a soul denied So this is how we break And this is where we find the only hope within this place Where angels fall and darkness reigns Where time dissolves the brightest flame Ever the same Whether I'm the last one alive Or ascend before my time Better I'm the last one alive Than a soul denied Whether I'm the last one alive Or ascend before my time Better I'm the last one alive Than a soul denied Whether I'm the last one alive Or ascend before my time Better I'm the last one alive Than a soul denied A soul denied I'm the last one alive Or ascend before my time Better I

  Song of the day;; → Brian Eno - An Ending (Ascent) -- En jaksanu eilen kirjotella mitään, kun jostain syystä väsytti niin maan perkeleesti. Eilen oli sairaanhoitajan aika, käytiin läpi kesän aikasia juttuja ja vähän myös tulevaa. Sovittiin, että hän ottaa yhteyttä syömishäiriöliittoon ja sitten kun sinne järjestyy toivon mukaan syksylle johonkin kohtaan aika, hän tulee sitten sinne mukaan henkiseksi tueksi. Lisäksi sain ite kotitehtävän ottaa yhteyttä sellaseen vertaistukiryhmään koulukiusaamisesta kärsineille. Edelleen kaikki tuommoset ryhmäjutut jo ajatuksena ahistaa, mutta tiedostan toki sen, että jos meinaan ikinä pystyä opiskelemaan, mun pitää altistaa itseäni ryhmätoiminnalle. Ja onhan tuo tietysti siltä kannalta hyvä, että mä en ole koulukiusaamiskokemuksia sinänsä käsitelly muiden samaa kokeneiden kanssa. Kävin käynnin jälkeen apteekista hakemassa sitä uutta lääkettä (ei ollu vaikia valinta että otanko sitä joka maksaa päälle satasen vai halvemman version joka maksaa vitosen)

  Song of the day;; → The Rocketboys - Loud and Clear I never said that I was good enough But I will say I'll keep on tryin' All I know is that it's been getting harder and harder and harder to climb So, I'll just keep my head down, keep my head down Won't look left, I won't look right I'll keep my head down, keep my head down 'Cause it's only a matter of time When I get back, you're gonna know my name Like a song on the tip of your tongue Not that I earned it or I even deserved it But Lord, I know it can't be done And I'll keep singing loud and keep singing clear As I wait for the day when my time is finally here I'll just keep my head down, keep my head down Won't look left, I won't look right I'll keep my head down, keep my head down 'Cause it's only a matter of time I'll keep singing loud and singing clear As I wait for the day when my time is finally here I'll just keep my head down, keep my head down

  Song of the day;; → White Lies - Big TV Slow I'm gonna settle down slow Down to the hum of Electric life and soul Faith In my hand to trade But for the word and The light of a bitter saint And you can get me work But I can't work for free I've got a room downtown With a bed and a big TV If you can raise a star From garbage on the street Then you can make a modern life For a modern girl to lead Alone I feel alone When I'm living in a building Like a tooth at heaven's throat True It's a beautiful view But you know they're gonna set it on fire When they feel like something new And you can get me work But I can't work for free I've got a room downtown With a bed and a big TV If you can raise a star From garbage on the street Then you can make a modern life For a modern girl to lead But why can't anything be real? Emotion like the movies feel A pill to break the drone of reverie So bring me to the hand of fate The river or a new arcade So I can wash

  Song of the day;; → Insomnium - While We Sleep When your heart gives out and your love collapses When the hand that never lets go is there no more When you reap and sow only throe and resentment When there's no one else but you to blame it for When all you ever wish for is to go back once more When all you ever wish for is to change it all When all you feel is remorse, pain and regret When you dwell in the past unable to move on And we drift far away in our dreams Gather further distance while we sleep Build a wall of glass thick and deep We hear but choose not to listen And we drift far away in our dreams Gather further distance while we sleep Still the bridge is enflamed with fire Leave all the love we had behind When you realize that your life is a one-way road When you realize that there's no point of return When you understand that you can't go back anymore When you understand you can only move onwards And we drift far away in our dreams Gather further distance while

  Song of the day;; → Brian Eno - Signals

  Song of the day;; → Shadowgraphs - Before the Time Before the time You walked in my life I was so blind Thought that I knew was running from the truth Just another excuse Maybe I missed the point I dressed the part Crack open my skull Have a look inside What will you find When you've lost your mind Searching fo something you'll never find Hidden in the depth of the night End it before the time How was I living before the time I was just waiting for a sign How was I living before the time I was just waiting for a sign Without a doubt the word is out And now I can feel like a human being Was I even breathing? Yes, it was justified I had to go Carry my own And rightfully so When you know you really know When you've lost your mind Searching for something you'll never find Hidden in the depth of the night End it before the time -- Tänään oli näöntarkastus. Onneks siellä kävi henkkareina kelakortti, nimittäin mä olin onnistunu unohtamaan ajokorttini porukoille (kyllä, olen

  Song of the day;; → Tokyo Police Club - Cheer It On (Operator, get me the president of the world This is an emergency) Do your neighbour a favour Collect their morning paper Clip out all the sad bits, no one wants to read that Let them take their kids to school and the zoo in peace When you're standing near Tokyo Police Club When you're standing next to me Tokyo Police Club When you take the tunnel Arresting you for being in love Caught the fever that's spreading Do you have a warm bed we could stay the night in? It's all sick boys in this house, no one wants to feed us Dumb kid, you should have hid, you'd stand a better chance there When you're standing near Tokyo Police Club When you're standing next to me Tokyo Police Club Lost in the Pacific Arresting you for being in love -- Huomenna mulla on kello 12 näöntarkastus, vihdoin ja viimein sain senkin aikaseksi varattua. Mukava saada lasit päivitettyä, edellisestä kerrasta alkaa olla sellaset puoltoista vu

  Song of the day;; → Periphery - Alpha It's always better on the other side of it (Wanting what you'll never have) And it's a goddamn broken state of mind Yeah, the one that we've been living in It's never greener inside the mess we're in (Wanting what you'll never have) The less we are content, the more we throw away What little time we have left to grow Separate mind from me But still I have no adamant will to leave What little time we have Stop bleeding on the inside, we are alive And it's more than enough to paint the walls that are white Can we show the ones who are blind? It's envy eating away at the core of us (Wanting what you'll never have) And isn't it the point of living to breathe? Knowing this is all we need It's never greener inside the mess we're in (Wanting what you'll never have) The less we are content, the more we throw away What little time we have left to grow Separate mind from me But still I have no adamant

  Song of the day;; → Brian Eno - Spirits Drifting -- Jäi eilen postaamatta, kun iski illalla aivan vitunmoinen migreeni. Ei oo särkeny päätä nuin kovasti sitten teini-iän, mikä on luonnollisesti ihan helvetin hauskaa. Tänään on vielä vähän ollu särkyä, mut ei mitenkään niin paljon, ettei ois pystyny normaalisti toimimaan. Eilen oli tosiaan fysioterapia ja tänään oli lääkäri. Haetaan vielä ainakin vuodeksi etiäpäin kuntoutustukea, katellaan vähän josko löytyis jotain toimintaa mihin vois osallistua (vähän kyllä karsastan kaikkia mahdollisia ryhmäjuttuja, kun en ryhmässä millään lailla toimiva ihminen satu olemaan) ja sain myös uuden lääkkeen tuon Brintellixin rinnalle, kun sanoin, ettei se oo mielialaan vaikuttanu ollenkaan vaikka ahistusta onkin selvästi vähemmän. En muista nyt tän uuden lääkkeen nimeä, mut se on sellanen mikä otetaan kaks kertaa viikossa tosi pienellä annoksella, kun se on psykoosilääke jota pienillä annostuksilla käytetään myös masennuksen hoitoon. Alussa saattaa tu

  Song of the day;; → A Certain Smile - Hold On, Call You want me to hold you I'd wait on hold for you I'd take the longest distance That you want me to All you do is call And I will be on the first plane With nothing at all Underneath all our restraint You tell me not to wait up But wait is all I do For you it's never later I'm never late for you All you do is call And I will be on the first plane With nothing at all Underneath all our restraint All you do is call And I will be on the first plane With nothing at all Underneath all our restraint All you do is call You call, you call me I'll come over Just wear nothing at all, at all, at all But when you call I'll be there -- Huomenna on fysioterapia. Ajattelin sen jälkeen piipahtaa Tokmannilla ostamassa kakspuoleista teippiä ja kattelemassa jotain kivoja pieniä sisustuselementtejä. Tänään pelailin ja kävin lenkillä lähinnä. Takareidet on jostain syystä tosi kipiät (ei kävellessä kuitenkaan), saa nähä miltä ne hu

  Song of the day;; → Studio Killers - Ode to the Bouncer Ooh, let me in or I'll get physical with you I just gotta dance right now, it's critical to do No, I haven't had no dope Lift up the velvet rope Mr. Doorman, stop teasing I'm freezing out here See, I've got friends inside It's my birthday tonight And I'm not wearing trainers Not to mention knickers It's futile to debate With St. Peter at the gate Made of protein milkshake And low carb intake 'Cause all in all you're just Another prick at the door Ooh, let me in or I'll get physical with you I just gotta dance right now, it's critical to do Bouncer, hey bouncer Bouncer, bounce bounce bouncer I just gotta dance right now, it's critical Bouncer, bouncer Ooh, bouncer, empowered and aroused I see it in your trousers And in the way you browse her (Look she's in!) What? Her dress is up to waterline Bitch is clearly borderline Nose as white as Snow White's, in moonlight We stan

  Song of the day;; → Five Finger Death Punch - Jekyll and Hyde There's just so much goddamn weight on my shoulders All I'm tryin' to do is live my motherfucking life Supposed to be happy, but I'm only gettin' colder Wear a smile on my face, but there's a demon inside There's just so much goddamn weight on my shoulders All I'm tryin' to do is live my motherfucking life Supposed to be happy, but I'm only gettin' colder Wear a smile on my face, but there's a demon inside (Oh, yo, yo) There's a demon inside (Oh, yo, yo) Just like Jekyll and Hyde (Oh, yo, yo) All this anger inside (Oh, yo, yo) I feel like Jekyll and Hyde Is there just so much goddamn weight on your shoulders That you can't just live your motherfucking life? The story's gettin' old and my heart is gettin' colder I just wanna be Jekyll, but I'm always fuckin' Hyde You got rocks in your head, I can hear them rollin' 'round You can say that you

  Song of the day;; → Harold Budd & Brian Eno - Against the Sky -- Huomenna pääsen vihdoin ja viimein kotiin. Kuten sanottua, rakastan mun perhettä ja etenkin Runttia (ainoa harmi tässä onkin se, että en taas nää Runttia moneen viikkoon/kuukauteen), mut viimeiset pari kolme viikkoa on menny ahistuessa sellasta tahtia että pakko päästä omiin oloihin. Tarviin aikaa ja rauhaa miettiä, mitä seuraavaksi. Porukat on yötä mun luona ja lähtevät sitten lauantaina ajelemaan takas. Mua odottaakin viikonloppuna ainoa järjestelyhomma josta oikiasti tykkään, eli vaatekaapin järjestäminen uuteen uskoon.

  Song of the day;; → Oberhofer - Away frm U You're pushing me away from you And there's nothing I can do And I can't fight all of your battles for you You're pushing me away from you Oh and I know what I'll do I'll hop the fence So I can get out of this mess What's going through your mind? You're pushing me away from you And there's nothing I can do And I can't fight all of your battles for you You're pushing me away from you Oh and I know what I'll do Yeah, I know what I'll do I know what I'll do You might also like I'll get you out of my mind I'll get you out of my mind I'll get you out of my mind Get you out of my mind You're pushing me away from you And there's nothing I can do And I can't fight all of your battles for you You're pushing me away from you Oh yeah, I know what I'll do I'll get you right Pick you up right I'll get you right Pick you up right I'll get you right Pick you

  Song of the day;; → 65daysofstatic - Heat Death Infinity Splitter No one knows what is happening No one knows what is happening There is a lot of danger out there, okay?

  Song of the day;; → Junius - March of the Samsara Awake again Breathe out Breathe in My soul is worn I've been here many times before I need to breach this place I'm bound to tempt the fates I'll march until they know my name I want to open my eye And melt into the arms of love I want to break my mold And march into the great unknown

  Song of the day;; → Brian Eno, Jon Hopkins & Leo Abrahams - Emerald and Stone

  Song of the day;; → X Ambassadors - BOOM My feet go boom boom boom Boom boom boom, boom boom boom My heart beats boom boom boom Boom boom boom, boom boom boom High speed, go zoom zoom zoom Zoom zoom zoom, zoom zoom zoom My feet go boom boom boom Walkin' away from you That's what I'm gonna do I got the same old shoes with a new attitude Why would I sing the blues for you? I said, hey, uh huh, you can't stop me 'Cause my pain, uh huh, is gasoline (Ooh) I can't wait, no, for nobody If you break my heart, it's 1, 2, 3 Boom boom boom My feet go boom boom boom Boom boom boom, boom boom boom My heart beats boom boom boom Boom boom boom, boom boom boom High speed, go zoom zoom zoom Zoom zoom zoom, zoom zoom zoom My feet go boom boom boom Walkin' away from you That's what I'm gonna do I got a new tattoo, don't know what to tell you Got nothing left to prove to you I said, hey, uh huh, you can't stop me 'Cause my pain, uh huh, is gasoline (Oo

  Song of the day;; → Alvvays - After the Earthquake After the earthquake Pictures hanging diagonally Drive through, crying in a milkshake It wasn't built to last Up in the front seat You were playing with the station And I was fidgeting with the heat Looking back to the vibrant days of Racket in the hall, caution to the breeze Say you'll climb your way out of your wake now Velvet curtain drawn, flowers at your feet Say you'll contemplate how you're weighed down The pulse of the brake light Is the colour of burning embers If you wake up, will you remember The awful things I said at the еdge of the bed? Thrashing likе a great white (I feel the northern tide) As they rolled you up on a stretcher (Crashing on the pines) And the faint words of Jessica Fletcher (I feel the northern tide) Were drowned out by the sound of (Crashing on the pines) Racket in the hall, caution to the breeze Say you'll climb your way out of your wake now Those days, I'd never let you fall a

  Song of the day;; → SOM - Youth//Decay Our whole lives cast so clear on our faces Every thought, every hope lost to aging But I will live forever Or have I been here dead for years? Our youth passed by, it was fleeting We tell each other stories, repeating And I will live forever Or have I been here dead for years? A forest of lights The dawn of time These photographs All covered in glass And I will live forever Or havе I been here dead for yеars? -- Hyvää elokuuta kaikille! Näin se vaan jälleen kerran kesä kääntyy ehtoopuolelleen. Mulla on 13. päivä lääkäri, eli kohta koittaa kotiinpaluu ja en vois olla siitä onnellisempi.