BLOOD RED ROSES.

  Song of the day;; → Asking Alexandria - See What's on the Inside I've never wanted to be What you want me to be It's like I've lost myself in finding my way I feel it creeping in Patience is wearing thin If I could help myself I would But there's a part of me that roams That belongs to the road and begs me to run To run away from the world To leave it all behind To strip it away and see what's on the inside So I'm facing my fears And taking my time To strip it away and see what's on the inside I've always tried to be What you needed from me And along the way forgot who I am I'm sorry for getting cold And for pushing you away It just feels like I'm falling and nobody's there But there's a part of me that roams That belongs to the road and begs me to run To run away from the world To leave it all behind To strip it away and see what's on the inside So I'm facing my fears And taking my time To strip it away and see what's o

  Song of the day;; → Franz Gordon - Jeremy and Maureen -- Tänään oli sairaanhoitajan aika, juteltiin kaikista fiiliksistä sun muusta mitä tässä viime aikoina on ollu. Muuton suhteen oikiastaan ainua jäljellä oleva asia on pakkaaminen, allekirjotin nimittäin vuokrasopimuksen tänään! Avaimet saan viimeistään perjantaina. Nyt pitää siis aivan jäätävällä apinanraivolla pakata loput kamat. Sovittiin porukoitten kanssa, että tehään nyt sillain, että siirretään lauantaina vaan kaikki tavarat uuteen kämppään ja siivotaan tää sitten toisena viikonloppuna, kun muuten tulee aikamoinen hulabaloo. Mulla on siis tosiaan tän nykysen kämpän vuokrasopimus voimassa syyskuun loppuun saakka ja avaimet pitää palauttaa 2. lokakuuta viimeistään, joten aikaa on hyvin. Jännää. Huomenna on fysioterapia ja sitten käyn palauttamassa vähän pulloja kauppaan (ja ostan muutaman kynsilakan).

  Song of the day;; → Tame Impala - The Less I Know the Better Someone said they left together I ran out the door to get her She was holding hands with Trevor Not the greatest feeling ever Said, pull yourself together You should try your luck with Heather Then I heard they slept together Oh, the less I know the better The less I know the better Oh, my love Can't you see yourself by my side? No surprise When you're on his shoulder like every night Oh, my love Can't you see that you're on my mind? Don't suppose you could Convince your lover to change his mind So goodbye She said, it's not now or never Wait ten years, we'll be together I said, better late than never Just don't make me wait forever Don't make me wait forever Don't make me wait forever Oh, my love Can't you see yourself by my side? I don't suppose you could Convince your lover to change his mind I was doing fine without ya Till I saw your face, now I can't erase Givin'

  Song of the day;; → Ludovico Einaudi - I Giorni -- En muuten muista, muistinko mainita kun kerroin siitä lääkärikäynnistä, mut nostettiin Brintellix vielä 20mg kun ei toi pienempi annos meinaa taas toimia. Se alussa toimi tosi hyvin, mut sitten se taas jossain vaiheessa lakkas toimimasta ja ahistustasot nousi samaan ko missä ne on ilman lääkettä. Toivottavasti tuo nosto nyt sitten auttais vähän pidempikestosesti.

  Song of the day;; → Asking Alexandria - You've Made It This Far Smile, they always tell you to smile To appreciate the things you have But it doesn't change what's on your mind So you smile, but it's only on the outside So they can't see the pain that's overwhelming And eating you alive And it feels like you might have had enough Shut out the world and remind yourself If you could hold on, just for a little while You might just find it's not too much for you to make it through It's crazy how far you've come All you've done The life that you came from Take a step back and look at who you are You've made it this far Breathe, close your eyes and breathe I know, it feels like it's consuming And you're tired of this feeling And you try You try so damn hard Sometimes it feels like falling And you're just waiting for the ground When you lose faith in what you've been dreaming of Stay in that moment and tell yourself If you could ho

  Song of the day;; → The American Dollar - Up -- Sain tänään pakattua kaikki mangat, DVD:t ja pelit, huomenna olis tarkotus laittaa sit kenkiä ja talvitakkeja kasaan. Sovitiin porukoiden kanssa, että ne tulee lauantaina sitten auttamaan mua siirtämään kaikki mun romut uuteen kämppään. Mietitiin, että jos tehtäisiinkin niin, että siivottaisiin sit täällä joku toinen viikonloppu, kun mulla on kuitenkin tän nykysen kämpän vuokrasoppari voimassa syyskuun loppuun asti ja avaimet pitää palauttaa 2. lokakuuta. Keli oli tänään tosi ihana, lämmin ja vähän tuuleksi, niin kävin pidemmällä lenkillä ja ai jumalauta että se tuntuu hyvältä. Aina kun saan itteni lähtemään ulos, mulle tulee sellanen fiilis että voisin vaan kävellä koko päivän. Mulle tulee tosi paljon kirjotusideoita kun käppäilen menemään ja kuuntelen musiikkia. Lenkit on muutenkin sellasia hetkiä, jollon saa vähän aikaa olla vapaa kaikista velvollisuuksista yms. muusta paskasta.

  Song of the day;; → Wallows - Are You Bored Yet? (ft. Clairo) What's wrong? You've been asking, but I don't have an answer How come? I'm still thinking, let's pretend to fall asleep now When we get old, will we regret this? Too young to think about all that shit And stalling only goes so far when you've got a head start 'Cause we could stay at home or watch the sunset But I can't help from asking, are you bored yet? And if you're feeling lonely, you should tell me Before this ends up as another memory Will you tell the truth so I don't have to lie? Will you tell the truth so I don't have to lie? Feels like I've known you my whole life I can see right through your lies I don't know where we're going But I'd like to be by your side If you could tell me how you're feeling Maybe we'd get through this undefeated Holding on for so long 'Cause we could stay at home or watch the sunset But I can't help from asking, a

  Song of the day;; → Nils Frahm & Anne Müller - Let My Key Be C -- Kävin tänään hakemassa sensorit ja kaupassa (ihme kyllä muistin jopa ostaa sekä pyykinpesuainetta että vessapaperia)... mut siihenpä se jaksaminen sit loppui. Ärsyttää, kun tulee se henkinen tenkkapoo eikä vaan pysty tekemään asioita vaikka haluais ja pitäis. Huomenna meen sinne lääkärille. Vähän kuumottaa, koska sairaanhoitaja ei pääse sinne mukaan joten oon ekaa kertaa kahden sen lääkärin kanssa. Ei se niin paha toisaalta ole, koska oon käynyt siellä 3 kertaa ja se lääkäri on ihan mukava. Ekalla tapaamisella se muistutti mua mun äidistä, mikä oli jotenkin kummallista. Käyn sitten lääkärikäynnin jälkeen pesemässä pyykkiä ja sillä aikaa tiskaan. Varmaan sanoin jo viimeksi, mutta viikonloppuna koitan saaja ihan kunnolla nyt pakattua tuota tavaraa ja ois kiva käydä myös vähän pidemmällä lenkillä jos sää vaan sallii. 

  Song of the day;; → Asking Alexandria - Find Myself How do I kill myself Or the parts that have been created to please? And leave what's real, but still has meaning And I won't be enough for you But it's out of my hands I'm letting go I'm so tired of not knowing who I'm supposed to be I just want to find my way again I'm so used up from all that you ask from me I just want to find myself again How do I love myself With the constant reminder of all that I left behind? And it's all that you seem to want from me I'm never enough for you Well, it's out of my hands I'm letting go I'm so tired of not knowing who I'm supposed to be I just want to find my way again I'm so used up from all that you ask from me I just want to find myself again What will it take? How many times do I have to break before you get it? I don't wanna be what you remember It's my sanity and happiness, it's not fucking about you I'm so tired of no

  Song of the day;; → Corre - A Spark, A Beginning -- Eilen oli fysioterapia ja tänään sairaanhoitajan aika. Oli jotenkin raskaampaa puhua taas kaikesta ku mitä odotin, joten loppupäivä meni aika väsyneissä tunnelmissa. Toivottavasti lääkäriaika ei menis ihan jäätävän kauas ko tarvitsisin sen helvetin lääkärintodistuksen... Huomenna käyn hakemassa sensoreita ja pesemässä pyykkiä.

  Song of the day;; → Band of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You It's looking like a limb torn off Or all together just taken apart We're reeling through an endless fall We are the ever-living ghost of what once was But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do No one's gonna love you more than I do And anything to make you smile It is a better side of you to admire But they should never take so long Just to be over then back to another one And no one is ever gonna love you more than I do No one's gonna love you more than I do But someone, they could have warned you When things start splitting at the seams and now The whole thing's tumbling down Things start splitting at the seams and now If things start splitting at the seams and now It's tumbling down hard Anything to make you smile You are the ever-living ghost of what once was I never want to hear you say That you'd be better off or you liked it that way And no one is ever gonna love you more than I

  Song of the day;; → Max Richter, Konzerthaus Kammerorchester Berlin & Andre de Ridder - Recomposed by Max Richter: Vivaldi, The Four Seasons: Spring 0 - 2012 -- Tänään oli ihan hyvä päivä. Pakkasin loput kirjoista, valokuva-albumit sekä CD-levyt ja koska oli hyvä (ja ihan sika lämmin) keli, kävin lenkillä myös. Juttelin illalla porukoitten kanssa Skypessä. Huomenna on fysioterapia, jonka jälkeen pitää tiskata. Pitää myös muistaa tehä osoitteenmuutosilmotus kun sitä en perjantaina muistanu samalla ko hoidin kaikki muut hommelit. Nyt pitäis vaan saaja se saatanan lääkäriaika, mut mulla on onneksi tiistaille aika sairaanhoitajalle joten ehkä senkin asian saa työn alle siellä. Huomenna alkaa muuten haku sinne kouluun, haen varmaan jos en heti jo huomenna niin alkuviikosta. Sinänsä ei kiva että se on nyt kun on jo ihan tarpeeks kaikkea mistä ahdistua ja stressaantua, mut toisaalta kiva saaja sekin tavallaan alta pois. Toivottavasti vaan pääsen sisään.

  Song of the day;; → Asking Alexandria - If I Could Erase It I want to be like you Forget what I said to Somebody I used to know When I was someone they used to know I try to be honest To grow into someone I'm proud of But you make it so hard When all you do is pull me down If I could do it all over I wish I could take it, throw it away And start over If I could erase it If I could start over There's so many things that I'd change If I could start over There's so much inside me I hate The past's supposed to stay Why does it follow me? I can't outrun myself If I could start over I'm sick of everyone around me Acting like they can't see The elephant behind me I'm in a constant state of stress From the weight that's on my chest And I don't wanna pretend that I'm okay I've always been the kind to (Bury shit inside to) Let it rot and gradually consume me Let it build into a rage (That I take out in a way) That makes everyone I love fuckin

  Song of the day;; → Daigo Hanada - Butterfly

  Song of the day;; → Yuck - Rebirth Hold me down, in the sunlight To sacrifice myself I don't want your love, I want you Slide me down, deep like the ocean To contemplate myself I don’t want your love I want you hard, hard Happens all the time Dropped in a maze Of hopeless abandon To understand myself I don’t want your pain I want you Sour sound echos around me And breaks me down inside I don’t want your pain I want you hard, hard Happens all the time Hard, hard Happens all the time Go down, I don't wanna go down too Go down, I don't wanna go down Go down, I don't wanna go down too Go down, I don't wanna go down Go down, I don't wanna go down too Go down, I don't wanna go down Go down, I don't wanna go down too Go down, I don't wanna go down

  Song of the day;; → Alexandre Desplat - The Deathly Hallows

  Song of the day;; → Asking Alexandria - Never Gonna Learn How many times do I have to learn my lesson Before I learn my lesson at all? Somebody help me, please, tell me that I'm dreaming I keep repeating my actions, expecting different reactions But the same thing keeps on happening Somebody help me, please, tell me that I'm dreaming I miss when I was blissful in ignorance I thought we said we'd take our time Why do I always jump in blindly? It's like I'm trying to find Something to fill a hole inside of me But I can't, but I can't, but I can't Can't stand the cycle I'm stuck inside a cycle repeating myself over and over Somebody help me, please, tell me that I'm dreaming I'm trying to change or at least I keep on saying I'm trying to turn the page on my bullshit Somebody help me, please, tell me that I'm dreaming I miss when I was blissful in ignorance I thought we said we'd take our time Why do I always jump in blindly? It

  Song of the day;; → Johannes Bornlöf - Wolfpack -- Tuntu että tänä päivänä tapahtu jotenkin tosi paljon, vaikka ei tapahtunutkaan. Jostain syystä en saanu yöllä yhtään unta, en siis nukkunu silmäystäkään. Oisko sit ahistanu liikaa, en tiiä. Lähin sitte fysioterapiaan samoilla silmillä (iteasiassa ei mua ihan kamalasti oo väsyttäny koko päivänä, nukuin ehkä tunnin ennen sitä asuntonäyttöä), tulin takas ja vihdoin ja vitun viimein sain tiskattua. Tapoin aikaa kunnes kävin kattomassa sitä kämppää. Se näytti oikein kivalta ja heti alko raksuttaa päässä ajatukset siitä et mihin sijottelen minkäkin huonekalun. Se on ehkä n. puoltoista neliöö isompi ko tää mun nykynen kämppä ja omalla tavallaan se tuntuki vähän isommalta kun siinä on tosiaan yks huone ja alkovi. Toisaalta se tuntu pienemmältä kun oon asunu tässä kämpässä jossa tää tila on jaettu kahteen huoneeseen nyt sen kolmisen vuotta ja tottunu tähän. Helppo sinne oli löytää ja alue vaikutti ihan rauhalliselta. Se kyllä helpotti tätä st

  Song of the day;; → Kodaline - Brother When we were young, we were the ones The kings and queens, oh yeah, we ruled the world We smoked cigarettes, man, no regrets Wish I could relive every single word We've taken different paths And travelled different roads I know we'll always end up on the same one when we're old And when you're in the trenches And you're under fire, I will cover you If I was dying on my knees You would be the one to rescue me And if you were drowned at sea I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe I've got you, brother-er-er-er I've got you, brother-er-er-er I've got you, brother-er-er-er I've got you, brother-er-er-er Oh, brother, we go deeper than the ink Beneath the skin of our tattoos Though we don't share the same blood You're my brother and I love you, that's the truth We're living different lives Heaven only knows If we'll make it back with all our fingers and our toes Five years, twenty years, c

  Song of the day;; → Danny Elfman & Dominik Hauser - Edward Scissorhands (Main Theme from the Motion Picture)  -- Unohin eilen mainita, että kävin lenkilläkin kun oli kiva keli. Tänään en saanu mitään aikaseksi, osittain sen takia että nukuin tosi huonosti enkä jaksanu tehä mitään (toki myös se että eilinen oli niin aktiivinen päivä vaikutti), mut eipä se haittaa. Huomenna pitää tiskata ja käydä kaupassa ja maanantaina on sitten fysioterapia heti aamusta.

  Song of the day;; → Asking Alexandria - Faded Out I don't wanna wake up lately The days are getting longer It feels just like I'm going through the motions And I don't know what's wrong with me I wanna try, I wanna care I wanna feel alive like I used to I wanna be someone, do something But it feels a little like sleepwalking I'm faded out I keep trying to stand, but I'm falling down I'm stuck inside a loop, why can't I shake it off? Is it not enough to wanna get better? I'm faded out And it's not getting better Give me something real to hold onto 'Cause I don't know what's real anymore I'm walking through the haze tryin' to find you The person that I was before I gave it all, and I found a hole That I didn't know was hiding Thought I knew who I was, looks like I was wrong And I've been out lost sleepwalking I'm faded out I keep trying to stand, but I'm falling down I'm stuck inside a loop, why can't I

  Song of the day;; → Slow Fade Sailors - Be, Leave -- Tää viikko on ollut jotenkin tosi hankala. Ahistaa ja stressaa koko ajan, enkä oo saanu käytännössä mitään aikaseksi. Yritän huomenna ottaa itteäni niskasta kiinni, kun pitäis soittaa pari puhelua. Ajattelin myös käydä kaupungilla, kun sain enolta synttärilahjaksi lahjakortin Suomalaiseen. Viikonloppuna alottelen tavaroiden pakkaamisen kirjoista sun muusta, mitä en nyt akuutisti tarvi ennen muuttoa. Voispa vaan hypätä ajassa eteenpäin siihen, että kaikki tää hässäkkä ois ohi ja vois vaan olla rauhassa... Ei keho eikä pää kestä tätä stressin ja ahistuksen määrää.

  Song of the day;; → Peace - California Daze Here's one for the diamonds in the dark (California daze) And all the people in the park (Never feels the same) Especially for the amblers in the gloom (It's the darkest gloom) And all the feathers feeling blue She tastes like sunlight And she's always gonna be there in the back of your mind Is there time to rewind? Were you born to live or born to die? Forget and forgive, there's a place you can live Go and watch the pretty girls in town (California daze) When you're feeling kinda down (Never feels the same) Lean into a California daze (It's the darkest gloom) Has always been the fastest way She tastes like sunlight And she's always gonna be there in the back of your mind Is there time to rewind? Were you born to live or born to die? Forget and forgive, there's a place you can live Oh, she tastes like sunlight And she's always gonna be there in the back of your mind Oh, is there time to rewind? Were you

  Song of the day;; → Thomas Newman - Donna Lucia (From ''Spectre'' Soundtrack)

  Song of the day;; → Christopher Varela - Deep Forest (Cello Version)

  Song of the day;; → We Came As Romans - Black Hole Floating free Suspended aimlessly Emptiness But I don't feel a thing As soon as I've turned around Convinced that I'm safe and sound Feel both my feet on the ground I fall into a black hole in my head Reach into the darkness for what's left I'm fighting the gravity It's pulling the worst part out of me Black hole The other side, another life, chasing the great unknown I'll never know the afterglow 'cause I can't let it go As soon as I've turned around Convinced that I'm safe and sound Feel both my feet on the ground I fall into a black hole in my head Reach into the darkness for what's left I'm fighting the gravity It's pulling the worst part out of me Black hole As soon as I've turned around Convinced that I'm safe and sound Feel both my feet on the ground I fall into a black hole in my head Reach into the darkness for what's left I'm fighting the gravity It'

  Song of the day;; → Beach Fossils - Adversity Will you tear it down? Will you decide? We put up a fight for the other side Raise up our arms to show we’re strong They may break out bones But we’ll carry on All that you see Do you want to be Adversity? All that you see Do you want to be You and me Adversity? Oh, the call to move it in Oh, we’re all so new to it All that you see Do you want to be Adversity? All that you see Do you want to be You and me Adversity? -- Kämpillä ollaan. Nyt sitten pitää ruveta tässä pikkuhiljaa pakkaamaan ja selvittelemään käytännön asioita.

  Song of the day;; → Max Richter - No More Fear

  Song of the day;; → The Amity Affliction - Like Love Drop it on the tongue like love Even though you know it won’t be enough Let me crawl back into your skin We both know the hell I’m in (Hell I'm in) So if it takes me away for a while We could touch heaven as we kiss the stars I can forget myself And make my way to where you are We can fade away into the night Close my eyes and I can feel alive Drop it on the tongue like love (Like love, like love) Evеn though you know it won’t be enough (Like lovе, like love) Another star fell out of the sky The night you took your own life (Your own life) And so I drop it on the tongue like love Even though I know it won’t be enough I can crawl into your skin I know the hell you were living in We touched heaven in the midst of hell We kissed the stars before they fell Drop it on the tongue like love (Like love, like love) Even though you know it won’t be enough (Like love, like love) We touched heaven We touched heaven Touched heaven in the mi

  Song of the day;; → William Roud - Depths of Eternity -- Vaikka olis toki ollu kiva olla vielä elokuu (tai ainaskin pari viikkoa pidempään) täällä kotikotona, on musta jotenkin tosi kiva mennä takas kämpille. Ihan jo sen takia, että mulla on vähän tapana kiintyä paikkoihin ja on kiva viettää vielä aikaa nykysessä kämpässä ennen kun muutan sitten syyskuun puolella. Mulla on myös maanantaina fysioterapia, ootan sitä innolla. Kiva päästä heti jatkamaan. Mun pitäis päästä käymään lääkärissä kun tarvitsisin ihanalle rakkaalle Kela-armaalle uuden lääkärintodistuksen, mut mun sairaanhoitaja taitaa olla vielä lomalla kun se ei oo vastannut mun viestiin. Soittelen maanantaina jos ei mitään kuulu. Jotenkin tosi helpottava ajatus, että vuokra tippuu jollain 50:llä, koska kyllä siinä säästää ihan kivasti pitkässä juoksussa.

  Song of the day;; → Broken Bells - Holding on for Life Girl, take a seat, rest your weary bones Your secret's safe in my hands Tell me 'bout the years and let me buy an hour Maybe help me to understand Ain't nobody callin', ain't nobody home What a lovely day to be lonely You're holding on for life, holding on for life You're holding on for love You're holding on for life, holding on for life You're holding on for love Light another cigarette, burning in the cold Waiting on the street for your man You're trying not to look so young and miserable You gotta get your kicks while you can And in the Latin Quarter Sitting on your own What a lovely day to be lonely You might also like You're holding on for life, holding on for life You're holding on for love You're holding on for life, holding on for life You're holding on for love Well, you might belong to another time Still you have to carry on, yeah Nowhere else to go and you never